Michael Kosta

M-E-E-T fabric dot com slash daily.

Policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company.

Yeah.

This episode is brought to you by Ninja Lux Cafe, the three-in-one machine that makes espresso, drip coffee, and cold brew.

No barista skills required.

You're listening to Comedy Central.

I'm Michael Kosta.

We've got so much to talk about tonight.

Jeffrey Epstein's a royal pain.

There's a big beef at the Super Bowl this weekend, and the U.S.

military has a new top-secret weapon that Donald Trump can't wait to tell us all about.

Hey, let's get into the headlines.

It's been a month since US forces captured Nicolas Maduro right out of his Venezuelan compound and sent him to Brooklyn to serve out his life as a barista in Bushwick.

And if you're wondering how a military run by these two geniuses were able to pull off that operation, turns out they had a little help.

The discombobulator?

That sounds like the worst ride at Six Flags.

Don't go over there, dude.

Somebody puked on the discombobulator.

Personally, I don't think our most advanced new weapons should have whimsical names.

If I'm shot by a laser that liquefies my organs until they leak out of my eyes, I don't want it to tell my family that I was dinky zoinked to death.