Michael Kosta

Come on.

Surely there was one person who was a little more qualified.

You know, I've seen the entire list of candidates, Michael, and man afraid of witches was indeed their best option.

You know, there were really only two types of candidates for this, donors or the loonies.

I mean, all the more experienced candidates were hesitant about committing war crimes or holding Pete Hanks' hair back after happy hour at Ruby Tuesdays.

Okay.

Well, then who else were they considering?

Well, for example, they looked closely at this guy.

His name is John Trunk.

Okay.

And he served in the Navy?

Well, not the Navy per se, but he was patient zero on that cruise ship where everyone got dysentery.

Oh, no.

Does he have any military experience?

It depends.

Would you consider funneling crypto to Barron Trump's offshore bank account to be military experience?

No, no.

Then no, he does not have military experience.

But if he doesn't float your boat, little maritime humor there, then the administration also considered Carson McDougal.

Oh.