Monica Lewinsky

and I'd gone, and my therapist is a trauma psychiatrist, and I'd gone in, and I was like, oh, I think I'm depressed, and maybe we need to up my meds, and blah, blah, blah, and talking, and she was like, no, this is just grief. And so I think we don't even learn how to identify that in that way, and I find I've gotten a little better with it. I know a lot of grief that I have experienced

still carry and move through are sort of around just, not just the things that happened, but also what I lost in connection to that, right? The kinds of things that I didn't experience or go through. And I imagine even though there was a lot more positive things for you, that there were aspects of young adulthood or adolescence that you just didn't get to experience.

still carry and move through are sort of around just, not just the things that happened, but also what I lost in connection to that, right? The kinds of things that I didn't experience or go through. And I imagine even though there was a lot more positive things for you, that there were aspects of young adulthood or adolescence that you just didn't get to experience.

And did that feel like a loss for you or just something you didn't know it, so it... I think it was...

And did that feel like a loss for you or just something you didn't know it, so it... I think it was...

Interesting. I'm like now back thinking about college and how – because I went to graduate school late. That's right. So I was in my early 30s and much older than a lot of the other kids. And I so appreciated being spoon-fed knowledge. Yeah.

Interesting. I'm like now back thinking about college and how – because I went to graduate school late. That's right. So I was in my early 30s and much older than a lot of the other kids. And I so appreciated being spoon-fed knowledge. Yeah.

To have somebody hand you an outline for a lecture and to be given this and to just have your mind blown and constantly, you know, thinking of new things and putting things together. It is – it's such a gift that we don't appreciate at 18. At all.

To have somebody hand you an outline for a lecture and to be given this and to just have your mind blown and constantly, you know, thinking of new things and putting things together. It is – it's such a gift that we don't appreciate at 18. At all.

Well, a gap year like they do in Europe, you know, so it's or several gap years. Yeah.

Well, a gap year like they do in Europe, you know, so it's or several gap years. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I felt more self-conscious about being Monica Lewinsky than being an older student. Yeah, it was a little harder. And I think it was.

I think I felt more self-conscious about being Monica Lewinsky than being an older student. Yeah, it was a little harder. And I think it was.

I think in terms of being older, that went away. So I think once I made friends, and I've always been a big believer of like, you just need one friend, one person to have lunch with, one person to go to the movies with. And I made several friends that I'm still close to today. But graduate school was really interesting for me because it sort of became the mirror of my trauma.

I think in terms of being older, that went away. So I think once I made friends, and I've always been a big believer of like, you just need one friend, one person to have lunch with, one person to go to the movies with. And I made several friends that I'm still close to today. But graduate school was really interesting for me because it sort of became the mirror of my trauma.

So it was like all of the things that I hadn't totally understood had damaged me came to the surface. So I hadn't realized the impact of having been called stupid for such a long time. So I couldn't get up and give a presentation in class.

So it was like all of the things that I hadn't totally understood had damaged me came to the surface. So I hadn't realized the impact of having been called stupid for such a long time. So I couldn't get up and give a presentation in class.

Like I was – and my imposter syndrome around I was afraid to go – like when we had to write essays and do dissertation, which I'd never done a dissertation or thesis, whatever it was. I was too – I was too worried about going to ask for help because I was anxious that what I needed help with, everybody else knew. And then they would like go, oh, you don't really belong here. Yeah.