Monica Padman

The back of my head is still super sensitive.

Still just in this bathing suit.

And I'm like, I really got to go pee again, of course.

They're like, ma'am, you can't stand up.

You're just in this little bathing suit.

I'm like, all right, well, then give me some pants or something.

And they give me the big blue hospital outfit.

The most conservative hospital in America.

So they ended up doing the MRI, the CAT scan, all those things, calling my parents.

And you can imagine how that went.

The doctor kept telling my mom on the phone, like, ma'am, her blood alcohol count is zero.

Because everyone's like, oh, she got hit by a car because she's drunk.

And I'm like, no, I'm not drunk.

I don't know how I didn't have broken bones.

They're like, it's really insane that...

Something much worse didn't happen to me.

So after they ran everything, the MRIs, the CAT scans, a million more tests, got discharged that same day.

They sent me home with some medicine.

And obviously I just went back to the hotel and went to bed.

But I was like cleared to be a sober individual.