Monte Mader

And the conflict that I had with that throughout my preteen and teen years was I would recognize that it was unfair and unjust and I would see how miserable women were in my church.

But I would also have that opposing conflict of this is my rebellion.

This is my pride.

I'm rebelling against God's plan for my life.

I need to push it down.

I need to push it down.

And also this belief of, well, maybe when I get older, I'll understand and I'll feel differently.

I also knew from the time I was 12, I didn't want kids.

And that was not an option.

You know, the call for your life as a woman in this movement, like our pastor sat us down and your job is to get married, serve a husband, have as many children as you can so you can direct quote outbreed non-Christians.

And so you grow up in this movement where that's what you just believe that you're supposed to do.

So I had kind of this push and pull all throughout my teen years of recognizing that was unfair, not wanting it.

And just in my mind deciding I just wasn't going to get married because I didn't want to sin.

But also on the other side, deciding like fighting with this.

I'm wrong.

I'm being prideful.

I'm rejecting God's plan for my life.

Yeah, that was my first one.

But my big crack, my big, oh, wait, this is wrong.

Something is really wrong.