Morgan Housel

And inadvertently, what often happens is the parent thinks that they are teaching the kid hard work and dedication and integrity, and the message that the kid actually hears is humiliation.

that the parents could be helping them, but they're not because I'm not worthy of their help.

And in the mind of the adult, in the mind of the parent, that doesn't make a lot of sense.

In the mind of a 14-year-old, that's all you can hear is I'm not worthy of their help.

And it goes astray.

I've told this story before about a good friend of mine whose grandfather was very wealthy and didn't want his kids and grandkids to be spoiled.

And so when they went skiing, his grandfather would say, if you want me to buy you a lift ticket, you first have to hike up the hill.

And if you do that and ski down, then I'll buy you a lift ticket.

Show me that you are capable of hard work.

And so my friend tells a story.

He says the lesson that the grandfather wanted to teach us was hard work.

And but the lessons that we actually learned was grandpa's an asshole.

That was the lesson that they actually heard from it was humiliation from it.

And I think there's a lot of versions of that.

Another version of it is it's extremely difficult for anyone to demote their lifestyle, to be at one level and then have to tick down even a small amount.

People can absolutely lose their minds.

And so if you are a parent of any kind of means or wealth, you have to be very careful picking your lifestyle, knowing that that will become the baseline barest of expectations for your child when they are adults.

That's the baseline.

That's not a mansion.

To you, the parent, it's a mansion because you grew up in something smaller.