Morgan

It's a month old now.

Titled, my mother-in-law is currently giving me the silent treatment because I won't share a family recipe that is actually just expensive takeout.

I'll die if I don't share this.

Three years ago, I was supposed to cook for my wife's birthday dinner, and I completely torched the main dish.

In a total panic, I drove to this Italian deli two towns over, bought two massive trays of lasagna, scraped the cheese on top so it looked messy and homemade, and hid the foil containers in the outside trash.

I think a lot of people do this.

It was a hit.

Like, they wouldn't shut up about it.

Best thing they ever ate.

Now, I'm the lasagna guy.

Every birthday, every holiday, I have to drive 40 minutes round trip, smuggle this stuff into the house in a gym bag, and transfer it to my own Pyrex dishes when my wife is in the shower.

The issue is my mother-in-law asked for the recipe last week for her church potluck.

Mm-hmm.

I didn't know what to do, so I told her I promised my late grandmother on her deathbed that I wouldn't write it down.

She called me selfish and is actually pissed off at me.

I feel like a total fraud, but I can't tell her the secret ingredient is $80 and a guy named Sal.

What do you do?

What if she's a snitch though?

I kind of like the way you're thinking.

I was like, I just find a fake recipe.