Ms. Marcus (audio clip)

Okay, sure. Listen, she just admitted that she left her earrings at other places, like at least about five different times.

She's going to leave her earrings. The next thing you know, she's going to leave her children.

Honestly, a girl did that to me before. She left her kids here.

Yeah. Yes, we did it because she wanted to come back the next day to see me.

Would it be a chaperone?

They're not even real diamonds, I bet you. Oh, come on.

Maybe that could be our date. We could all get together, and we could check to see if the diamonds are real. That's kind of romantic.

Oh.

Hello?

Who's calling?

Yeah, that was crazy. Crazy. That's what we heard.

Yeah, I was messed up that night.

Yeah, she tried to pull one of those Cinderella acts on me.

Right, exactly. I don't have a diamond detector. I don't know if they're real diamonds or not. Nevertheless, I know she left them intentionally at my house. I know this.

How do I know that? I can tell. It happened to me before.

Listen, she can have her earrings back. I don't want them. What the heck do I need them for?

The reason why I haven't texted her back is because I don't want her showing up at my house like she did the other day.

That's my little younger brother. I gave him instructions on what to say, what to do when I'm not home. Who's playing games now?

Listen, she just popped over my house on some shady shit. Like, it was just, listen, you didn't even get the text messages.

Yeah. Yes, and she would have gotten another date if she did not pull this stunt.

Can you just give me my earrings back? I got you. I will give you your earrings back. But this is what I'll do. I'll send it to you. I need an address to send these earrings to you.

I'm not trying to show up at her house. No, I'm not trying to show up at her house either.

That is correct.

Yes, I have.

Oh, you heard about that.

What? No, I never even fired a gun. Okay, once, but it was in self-defense.

It's the least we can do.

Throat!

Has your family always lived here?

Well, it's very peaceful. I like it.

It's not too late, is it?

I wish I had an ounce of power. I would help show people your beautiful country. I mean, despite everything, I kind of love it here.

Don't you knock?

Damn, was that really necessary?

Marcus inspects the plane. This thing is a death trap. I love it. You know, you really didn't have to do any of this.

I think we'll take our chances on the death trap. Cute, by the way. In your dreams.

Marcus, amigo, I find you at last. Manny! Oh, thank God. Marcus, who are your friends with the guns?

Supposedly. Supposedly? If the rumors are true and he really is still alive... Who the fuck keeps a fucking rhinoceros in fucking Columbia?

Okay, well... You see, my friends and I, we were just hunting for jungle cows and... Pablo reaches out and squeezes Charlie's face affectionately.

That's what this was all about? The resort was supposed to be a front? I swear I was going to tell you guys. Honestly, I never actually said I'd go through with it.

OK, let all of us go, and I will get you a new rhinoceros. You have my word.

Then I guess you can kill me. Charlie? What the fuck are you doing?

Pablo stops. What sound is that? The sound of a ball-busting wife who chips away at your self-esteem till you're the shadow of the man you once were. Pablo sits down on the edge of his desk, agitated. Well, you better get on with it. Wouldn't want her to think you have a mind of your own, capable of making its own decisions.

Luis! Ernie! Ernie! Luis!

Shit!

They got my passport. Yeah, mine too. You think it could have been the cleaning staff? Marcus shakes his head with disgust. Again, racist. How is that racist? They had direct access. It's racist because they're foreign. No, no, no. They're not foreign dipshit. We're in their country.

Okay, now we can go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. Has anybody else noticed how quiet it is around here?

If we survive that long... Oh, come on, can we just take a minute to appreciate everything?

All right, I will admit it's definitely creating some sparks, but you'll forgive me if I don't get too excited until we're back on home turf.

That's probably just making another pickup. Jesus, it's a roadblock. What if they're looking for us? Relax, we're just tourists on a way home from a weekend bender.

Oh, that chicken claw is so not sitting well with me. Charlie, don't look.

Where? Oh, we're saved. Oh, not exactly.

Oh, my God. It's her. Who? The woman from outside the airport. Your dream girl? Well, I mean, she's not exactly my dream girl. I mean, she's definitely a dream girl, but I wouldn't go.

Antosueños! Shut up. What if she comes over?

Your dream girl's a fucking cop. Man, do you have a type or what? Seriously? Well, maybe she can help us. Cuff you and slam you to the ground. Not as fun as it sounds, trust me. Oh, God.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, my head. Oh, God. Oh, God, what the hell happened?

That is so not funny. Well, then you're not going to find this funny either.

Come to rack up body count. El Cantador? Where the hell would they get an idea like that? Well, they said, why else would Americans wear suits in the middle of the jungle?

Good news is, this makes you somewhat of a badass. Or a target, same diff. Okay, we gotta get out of here. No shit, Sam's working on it right now.

Oh, with him? Oh no, no way. Oh no, not gonna happen.

It smells like puke.

No, hell no.

Please, don't stop on my account. And to sueño, you're here. No, no, no, see, that was... No, no, no, we were just... Sam and Guapito bust a gut.

Oh, my God, I don't know how to thank you.

Hey, John. What's up? Good day to you, sir. You too, man. How we doing? I'm doing probably better than I deserve. All right. That may be a low bar, right? I'm just playing. What's up? Tell me about it. So I'm going to get straight to the point, straight to the facts, John. So on a blackout drunk night in a big social event, my wife walked out to me having sex with another woman.

I was blackout drunk. I don't really remember much of that actual event. And since that happened, my wife and I, we've been going through therapy individually as well as couples therapy, seeing psychiatrists, you know, and therapists as well. Day to day, things are as good as they can be given the circumstances. We still show a little affection, but we still function. She's a stay at home person.

um, wife, um, I, I work extremely hard to provide, but ultimately my question is, John, what can I do outside of therapy and counseling, um, to kind of rebuild a safe space for her? And a follow-up question to, to that would be, um, what can I do to kind of, uh, maintain my, uh, physical needs without making her feel pressure because we haven't had sex together since.

And it's been approaching a year and I take full responsibility for my actions. Um, and that has been, uh, you know, a really good thing for, for both of us. But those are my questions.

I feel like I tried to convince myself that I would never do it. But deep down, you know, I've been so insecure my whole life. And to be honest, I wasn't ready to get married. But I do love her. And, you know, I'm convinced that she is the one. I just, this is the first time I've ever really been honest with myself, John. There you go.

Three years. We've been together a total of nine. Okay.

For me, it was all about making things as perfect as possible. So I saved my money. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. What were you waiting for? So, All right. If I'm going to be completely honest, I wanted to put on a big show. I wanted outside people to see how big the engagement was, how wonderful our wedding was.

And it took me that long to be financially in a position to be able to have a knockout engagement and post these pictures on Facebook and Instagram to kind of get the recognition from, to be honest, people that I... Didn't even know. That's right. And that's what took so long. That's what took so long.

My wife walked out to me having sex with another woman. I was blackout drunk. I don't really remember much of that actual event. We haven't had sex together since, and it's been approaching a year.

Yes. I've tried so hard, man.

I've been trying so hard.

And my honest answer, I'm working real hard not to be the guy to fail. I've been working real hard not to be The demise of her because I know how much she loves me and I know how much of herself she's given up to be with me. Let me say this.

I'm all in.

Yes, it's a day-to-day thing.

She saw it, right? Yeah, walk right out on it. And the hard part is I don't remember it at all.

I understand how it comes off that way. I never thought about it that way. You're right. But here's the whole thing.

Do you get what I'm saying? Absolutely. Absolutely. I never thought of it that way.

I mean, you're spot on.

Absolutely. I feel like that will probably be one of the most freeing experiences that I've ever had in my life because my insecurities have bogged me down and have always got me in terrible situations my entire life.

I understand. I understand completely. Thank you so much.