Nia

I did. I bought a big on-the-street furry hat. It's cute, though.

I did. I bought a big on-the-street furry hat. It's cute, though.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, there you go.

Like what?

Like what?

But museums... That was a long time ago. Those Yeezys, let's be very clear. That was a long time ago. Go on. That was before the current situation.

But museums... That was a long time ago. Those Yeezys, let's be very clear. That was a long time ago. Go on. That was before the current situation.

Oh.

Oh.

Did you throw your phone recently?

Did you throw your phone recently?

Did you?

Did you?

Okay.

Okay.

Anyway, what are you getting at?

Anyway, what are you getting at?

Pepper wings.

Pepper wings.

Oh, okay, okay. Mm-hmm. museums like you lemon pepper wings and museums that's the perfect date if you want to win her heart yeah take me to a museum and then take me to get some lemon pepper wings oh with the lemon pepper dry rub but also wet sauce on the side so that you can drizzle it in the wet sauce oh my god

Oh, okay, okay. Mm-hmm. museums like you lemon pepper wings and museums that's the perfect date if you want to win her heart yeah take me to a museum and then take me to get some lemon pepper wings oh with the lemon pepper dry rub but also wet sauce on the side so that you can drizzle it in the wet sauce oh my god

No, it's not.

No, it's not.

I'm not big on them. I prefer a dry burrito. Anyway, so go on. All right.

I'm not big on them. I prefer a dry burrito. Anyway, so go on. All right.

Do you know what museum I went to when I was in D.C.? That was amazing.

Do you know what museum I went to when I was in D.C.? That was amazing.

I don't know, but I went to the African American Museum in D.C., and it was amazing.

I don't know, but I went to the African American Museum in D.C., and it was amazing.

They have a whole area dedicated to stand-up comedy. You can't take anything seriously.

They have a whole area dedicated to stand-up comedy. You can't take anything seriously.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't. Don't.

Don't. Don't.

Why am I doing this?

Why am I doing this?

Because I see four nation tournament and you're thinking seven nation army.

Because I see four nation tournament and you're thinking seven nation army.

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, we love Jack White.

Oh, we love Jack White.

He's so great.

He's so great.

Nice guy. All right, keep going.

Nice guy. All right, keep going.

I did a... Stop putting that in your mouth.

I did a... Stop putting that in your mouth.

I did a show with him. You mean SNL?

I did a show with him. You mean SNL?

Because I find it so weird that you're like, oh, I did a project with Kevin Costner one time. It's like, you mean a movie? Why can't you just say what it is?

Because I find it so weird that you're like, oh, I did a project with Kevin Costner one time. It's like, you mean a movie? Why can't you just say what it is?

Why?

Why?

Oh, that's right. Because white people are like, oh, I didn't do that. Black people are like, I did this thing.

Oh, that's right. Because white people are like, oh, I didn't do that. Black people are like, I did this thing.

But you can say when I did SNL.

But you can say when I did SNL.

Are you still doing that? And you're still talking about it on your podcast as if people don't leave me comments about it? You better fucking stop that shit. What? Stop it. Cut it out. Did you give them the context of why that even came up? Because of what I did for our daughter's school for Black History Month? No, you didn't. You're just like, my wife, blah, blah, blah. That's not what I did.

Are you still doing that? And you're still talking about it on your podcast as if people don't leave me comments about it? You better fucking stop that shit. What? Stop it. Cut it out. Did you give them the context of why that even came up? Because of what I did for our daughter's school for Black History Month? No, you didn't. You're just like, my wife, blah, blah, blah. That's not what I did.

First of all. Hey, what's up? I already know, okay? And you're nonsense. You don't even know the history behind it. You don't even know the story behind it, okay? You just went for the joke.

First of all. Hey, what's up? I already know, okay? And you're nonsense. You don't even know the history behind it. You don't even know the story behind it, okay? You just went for the joke.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Edamame of pasta? You are so dumb. Like what a dumb comparison. You fucking married me. You really are dumb. You really are dumb.

Edamame of pasta? You are so dumb. Like what a dumb comparison. You fucking married me. You really are dumb. You really are dumb.

I'm just being a dick.

I'm just being a dick.

You're a dumb dick. I'm a little dumb.

You're a dumb dick. I'm a little dumb.

I married you because you were dumb and easy to control.

I married you because you were dumb and easy to control.

That's what they want to hear.

That's what they want to hear.

Exactly. That's what they've been waiting for. I knew it.

Exactly. That's what they've been waiting for. I knew it.

The fact that you compare God to like sort of an incompetent repairman is hilarious.

The fact that you compare God to like sort of an incompetent repairman is hilarious.

Who is?

Who is?

Yeah, okay. Great. Anyway, what about Jack White? What about Bob? I'm trying to get back on track here. You're giving a Matthew McConaughey and a Wolf of Wall Street. Remember that part? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, okay. Great. Anyway, what about Jack White? What about Bob? I'm trying to get back on track here. You're giving a Matthew McConaughey and a Wolf of Wall Street. Remember that part? Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Leonardo DiCaprio's character just sitting there like, what the fuck?

Leonardo DiCaprio's character just sitting there like, what the fuck?

Oh, right. Yeah.

Oh, right. Yeah.

Oh, right. Because he's so skinny. Yeah. And then he had to do that. That's true.

Oh, right. Because he's so skinny. Yeah. And then he had to do that. That's true.

And keep his heart beating.

And keep his heart beating.

All right.

All right.

Hi, I'm here. No, no, no.

Hi, I'm here. No, no, no.

A car model?

A car model?

Like a toy?

Like a toy?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Why are you being... Oh, because I just didn't think that this podcast involved me anymore.

Mm-hmm. Why are you being... Oh, because I just didn't think that this podcast involved me anymore.

Do you do that, though? Do you play with it?

Do you do that, though? Do you play with it?

What do you do?

What do you do?

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Your career is at its lowest. Yep.

Your career is at its lowest. Yep.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I actually was dealing with a little bit of depression last night, right? Um... I've been starting to read the paper a little bit more, you know? Um...

I actually was dealing with a little bit of depression last night, right? Um... I've been starting to read the paper a little bit more, you know? Um...

kind of up for that um anyway i started to watch this crazy movie another car movie see if i can find it i had to take a picture of it because i had never heard of it and um what the hell is it here go into photos let me see here oh god i hate when that happens

kind of up for that um anyway i started to watch this crazy movie another car movie see if i can find it i had to take a picture of it because i had never heard of it and um what the hell is it here go into photos let me see here oh god i hate when that happens

Um... God damn it. I'm not going to be able to find it. What was the name of that movie?

Um... God damn it. I'm not going to be able to find it. What was the name of that movie?

Ah, shit. I'm not going to be able to find it. You know what? I apologize.

Ah, shit. I'm not going to be able to find it. You know what? I apologize.

Fucking March 19th, dude.

Fucking March 19th, dude.

I just feel like for my shoulder, my shoulder needs a safe place. People on the internet are mean. A lot of crying out there.

I just feel like for my shoulder, my shoulder needs a safe place. People on the internet are mean. A lot of crying out there.

Did you like apples? Did you say how about them apples down at the Tasty?

Did you like apples? Did you say how about them apples down at the Tasty?

Oh, can we get two?

Oh, can we get two?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm like, what are the fucking odds?

I'm like, what are the fucking odds?

What? The fucking Gamecocks beat them?

What? The fucking Gamecocks beat them?

Get the fuck out of here.

Get the fuck out of here.

They fucking lost.

They fucking lost.

You are the best I've ever had. Just like, bitch, stop talking.

You are the best I've ever had. Just like, bitch, stop talking.

Why are you calling it shit? I'm an artist.

Why are you calling it shit? I'm an artist.

Hey, Nia!

Hey, Nia!

Oh, Jesus, Dad's mad. Dad's coming home. He's not in a good fucking mood. He had a bad week.

Oh, Jesus, Dad's mad. Dad's coming home. He's not in a good fucking mood. He had a bad week.

What about below it?

What about below it?

I thought you were done. Sorry.

I thought you were done. Sorry.

No.

No.

No, I just saw another place that I wanted to show you that maybe you wanted to order from. Yeah.

No, I just saw another place that I wanted to show you that maybe you wanted to order from. Yeah.

Okay. Would you like some sort of like a bowl, like with rice and tofu and that sort of thing?

Okay. Would you like some sort of like a bowl, like with rice and tofu and that sort of thing?

Okay. So you want meat. So I shouldn't order from a vegan place then.

Okay. So you want meat. So I shouldn't order from a vegan place then.

Tofu?

Tofu?

Tofu's not good for you?

Tofu's not good for you?

Are you sure you're thinking of tofu?

Are you sure you're thinking of tofu?

I thought tofu was made from soybeans.

I thought tofu was made from soybeans.

Not always.

Not always.

Oh, no, but the devil was an angel that got cast out.

Oh, no, but the devil was an angel that got cast out.

The fucking 2016 New England Patriots.

The fucking 2016 New England Patriots.

225.

225.

Because it's ridiculous. That's why.

Because it's ridiculous. That's why.

What? It's absolutely absurd for you to not know when things are anymore. It's like you're a grown-ass man, and you got all dressed to go to the... Why is it always grown-ass?

What? It's absolutely absurd for you to not know when things are anymore. It's like you're a grown-ass man, and you got all dressed to go to the... Why is it always grown-ass?

I can say whatever I want to say. And I'm choosing to say that you're a grown-ass man who can't seem to write anything down.

I can say whatever I want to say. And I'm choosing to say that you're a grown-ass man who can't seem to write anything down.

To the point where you're going to get all dressed up and be like, oh, what am I going to wear? This, that, and the other. And then you come downstairs five minutes later like, well, it's next week. Like, what's wrong with you? You need to get it together. It's not cute.

To the point where you're going to get all dressed up and be like, oh, what am I going to wear? This, that, and the other. And then you come downstairs five minutes later like, well, it's next week. Like, what's wrong with you? You need to get it together. It's not cute.

You're always forgetting when things are. You're always getting the dates wrong, and it's frustrating. It's just annoying.

You're always forgetting when things are. You're always getting the dates wrong, and it's frustrating. It's just annoying.

What does that have to do with anything? You're doing amazingly as it does.

What does that have to do with anything? You're doing amazingly as it does.

I'm not acting like I'm shooting heroin in an alley, but I just don't understand why you can't ever get your schedule straight. You're always getting the dates wrong. You're like, oh, it's tomorrow, not today. It's next week, not this week. I don't get it. I'm busy, and I don't have an assistant. You should get an assistant. I don't want another person to talk to.

I'm not acting like I'm shooting heroin in an alley, but I just don't understand why you can't ever get your schedule straight. You're always getting the dates wrong. You're like, oh, it's tomorrow, not today. It's next week, not this week. I don't get it. I'm busy, and I don't have an assistant. You should get an assistant. I don't want another person to talk to.

I've been telling you to get an assistant for like three years now because of this very reason.

I've been telling you to get an assistant for like three years now because of this very reason.

99%? 98%.

99%? 98%.

I did.

I did.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Are you kicking me out now? Are you almost done?

Are you kicking me out now? Are you almost done?

Oh, you just started?

Oh, you just started?

Oh, Jesus. I came up here to watch the Grammys, but I can't turn the TV on now, right?

Oh, Jesus. I came up here to watch the Grammys, but I can't turn the TV on now, right?

Okay, I'm going to.

Okay, I'm going to.

There's some chick that showed up on the red carpet wearing a sparkly dress that said, Make America Great Again, and then Trump on the back of it. I don't know who she is, but everyone's already like, what? Oh, my God. Just for somebody to show up at a Hollywood event like that in a dress that says, you know, that's pro-Trump is pretty...

There's some chick that showed up on the red carpet wearing a sparkly dress that said, Make America Great Again, and then Trump on the back of it. I don't know who she is, but everyone's already like, what? Oh, my God. Just for somebody to show up at a Hollywood event like that in a dress that says, you know, that's pro-Trump is pretty...

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, I guess so.

Right. And not rely on your stupid clothes.

Right. And not rely on your stupid clothes.

Okay.

Okay.

Ha ha.

Ha ha.

And everybody's just like, oh shit, right?

And everybody's just like, oh shit, right?

One, two, three, four. Whole crowd. What the fuck? Right? Then she goes down. Her closing bit. Not one, not two, not three or four. She puts five fucking soup bowls.

One, two, three, four. Whole crowd. What the fuck? Right? Then she goes down. Her closing bit. Not one, not two, not three or four. She puts five fucking soup bowls.

These kids get drunk, they call Uber. Right? Everything's just set up for them. So they don't know how to fucking pull themselves off the mat. You know?

These kids get drunk, they call Uber. Right? Everything's just set up for them. So they don't know how to fucking pull themselves off the mat. You know?

This fucking guy came out of fucking nowhere. Then you go over the other guy. What happened? I came out of fucking nowhere. I wasn't even looking.

This fucking guy came out of fucking nowhere. Then you go over the other guy. What happened? I came out of fucking nowhere. I wasn't even looking.

I'm just a bill. Yes, I'm only a bill.

I'm just a bill. Yes, I'm only a bill.

Crazy.

Crazy.

No, we only kill the bad people.

No, we only kill the bad people.

You know what I mean? The guy, he came out of fucking nowhere. The Saddam Hussein, we had a green light.

You know what I mean? The guy, he came out of fucking nowhere. The Saddam Hussein, we had a green light.

I don't know.

I actually was dealing with a little bit of depression last night, right? Um... I've been starting to read the paper a little bit more, you know? Um...

kind of up for that um anyway i started to watch this crazy movie another car movie see if i can find it i had to take a picture of it because i had never heard of it and um what the hell is it here go into photos let me see here oh god i hate when that happens

Um... God damn it. I'm not going to be able to find it. What was the name of that movie?

Ah, shit. I'm not going to be able to find it. You know what? I apologize.

Fucking March 19th, dude.

I just feel like for my shoulder, my shoulder needs a safe place. People on the internet are mean. A lot of crying out there.

Did you like apples? Did you say how about them apples down at the Tasty?

Oh, can we get two?

I don't know.

I'm like, what are the fucking odds?

What? The fucking Gamecocks beat them?

Get the fuck out of here.

They fucking lost.

You are the best I've ever had. Just like, bitch, stop talking.

Why are you calling it shit? I'm an artist.

Hey, Nia!

I did. I bought a big on-the-street furry hat. It's cute, though.

Oh, there you go.

Like what?

But museums... That was a long time ago. Those Yeezys, let's be very clear. That was a long time ago. Go on. That was before the current situation.

Oh.

Did you throw your phone recently?

Did you?

Okay.

Anyway, what are you getting at?

Pepper wings.

Oh, okay, okay. Mm-hmm. museums like you lemon pepper wings and museums that's the perfect date if you want to win her heart yeah take me to a museum and then take me to get some lemon pepper wings oh with the lemon pepper dry rub but also wet sauce on the side so that you can drizzle it in the wet sauce oh my god

No, it's not.

I'm not big on them. I prefer a dry burrito. Anyway, so go on. All right.

Do you know what museum I went to when I was in D.C.? That was amazing.

I don't know, but I went to the African American Museum in D.C., and it was amazing.

They have a whole area dedicated to stand-up comedy. You can't take anything seriously.

Don't.

Don't. Don't.

Why am I doing this?

Because I see four nation tournament and you're thinking seven nation army.

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, we love Jack White.

He's so great.

Nice guy. All right, keep going.

I did a... Stop putting that in your mouth.

I did a show with him. You mean SNL?

Because I find it so weird that you're like, oh, I did a project with Kevin Costner one time. It's like, you mean a movie? Why can't you just say what it is?

Why?

Oh, that's right. Because white people are like, oh, I didn't do that. Black people are like, I did this thing.

But you can say when I did SNL.

Are you still doing that? And you're still talking about it on your podcast as if people don't leave me comments about it? You better fucking stop that shit. What? Stop it. Cut it out. Did you give them the context of why that even came up? Because of what I did for our daughter's school for Black History Month? No, you didn't. You're just like, my wife, blah, blah, blah. That's not what I did.

First of all. Hey, what's up? I already know, okay? And you're nonsense. You don't even know the history behind it. You don't even know the story behind it, okay? You just went for the joke.

Jesus Christ.

Edamame of pasta? You are so dumb. Like what a dumb comparison. You fucking married me. You really are dumb. You really are dumb.

I'm just being a dick.

You're a dumb dick. I'm a little dumb.

I married you because you were dumb and easy to control.

That's what they want to hear.

Exactly. That's what they've been waiting for. I knew it.

The fact that you compare God to like sort of an incompetent repairman is hilarious.

Who is?

Yeah, okay. Great. Anyway, what about Jack White? What about Bob? I'm trying to get back on track here. You're giving a Matthew McConaughey and a Wolf of Wall Street. Remember that part? Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Leonardo DiCaprio's character just sitting there like, what the fuck?

Oh, right. Yeah.

Oh, right. Because he's so skinny. Yeah. And then he had to do that. That's true.

And keep his heart beating.

All right.

Hi, I'm here. No, no, no.

A car model?

Like a toy?

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Why are you being... Oh, because I just didn't think that this podcast involved me anymore.

Do you do that, though? Do you play with it?

What do you do?

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Your career is at its lowest. Yep.

Oh, Jesus, Dad's mad. Dad's coming home. He's not in a good fucking mood. He had a bad week.

What about below it?

I thought you were done. Sorry.

No.

No, I just saw another place that I wanted to show you that maybe you wanted to order from. Yeah.

Okay. Would you like some sort of like a bowl, like with rice and tofu and that sort of thing?

Okay. So you want meat. So I shouldn't order from a vegan place then.

Tofu?

Tofu's not good for you?

Are you sure you're thinking of tofu?

I thought tofu was made from soybeans.

Not always.

Oh, no, but the devil was an angel that got cast out.

The fucking 2016 New England Patriots.

225.

Because it's ridiculous. That's why.

What? It's absolutely absurd for you to not know when things are anymore. It's like you're a grown-ass man, and you got all dressed to go to the... Why is it always grown-ass?

I can say whatever I want to say. And I'm choosing to say that you're a grown-ass man who can't seem to write anything down.

To the point where you're going to get all dressed up and be like, oh, what am I going to wear? This, that, and the other. And then you come downstairs five minutes later like, well, it's next week. Like, what's wrong with you? You need to get it together. It's not cute.

You're always forgetting when things are. You're always getting the dates wrong, and it's frustrating. It's just annoying.

What does that have to do with anything? You're doing amazingly as it does.

I'm not acting like I'm shooting heroin in an alley, but I just don't understand why you can't ever get your schedule straight. You're always getting the dates wrong. You're like, oh, it's tomorrow, not today. It's next week, not this week. I don't get it. I'm busy, and I don't have an assistant. You should get an assistant. I don't want another person to talk to.

I've been telling you to get an assistant for like three years now because of this very reason.

99%? 98%.

I did.

I don't know.

Are you kicking me out now? Are you almost done?

Oh, you just started?

Oh, Jesus. I came up here to watch the Grammys, but I can't turn the TV on now, right?

Okay, I'm going to.

There's some chick that showed up on the red carpet wearing a sparkly dress that said, Make America Great Again, and then Trump on the back of it. I don't know who she is, but everyone's already like, what? Oh, my God. Just for somebody to show up at a Hollywood event like that in a dress that says, you know, that's pro-Trump is pretty...

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I guess so.

Right. And not rely on your stupid clothes.

Okay.

Ha ha.

And everybody's just like, oh shit, right?

One, two, three, four. Whole crowd. What the fuck? Right? Then she goes down. Her closing bit. Not one, not two, not three or four. She puts five fucking soup bowls.

These kids get drunk, they call Uber. Right? Everything's just set up for them. So they don't know how to fucking pull themselves off the mat. You know?

This fucking guy came out of fucking nowhere. Then you go over the other guy. What happened? I came out of fucking nowhere. I wasn't even looking.

I'm just a bill. Yes, I'm only a bill.

Crazy.

No, we only kill the bad people.

You know what I mean? The guy, he came out of fucking nowhere. The Saddam Hussein, we had a green light.