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Watch What Crappens

#3366 The Valley S3E07 Part Two: Drag Him!

14 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What happens when Danny's passive-aggressive behavior surfaces?

0.031 - 20.166 Unknown

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap

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22.61 - 39.201 Lala

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Happens. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one, okay? It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show.

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39.687 - 67.433 Nia

So now it's 9.30. Everyone's back at the house. And Jasmine's saying, oh my God, I miss all the drama, whatever. And Jesse is saying, it's hard not to be mean. I'm just surrounded by mean energy all the time. And then Lacey and Jesse are like putting stuff away in their closet. And she's never heard of an accordion closet, I believe. And so that's a new thing that she learns about.

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67.413 - 88.316 Lala

She's like, what even is that? That's stupid. And it's like, wow, this, this one, this one. So, uh, Jesse's like, okay, you know, he's trying to play nice. And she's like, you need to say sorry for that entrance. Cause you're like whiny, like, uh, you're giving me the ick. He's like, okay, let's get you settled in. He's talking to her like a little kid.

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88.336 - 92.34 Lala

He's like, okay, get out of your fancy dinner dress. She's like, don't touch me. I still have the ick.

93.772 - 116.472 Nia

And then meanwhile, Janet's in a room with Michelle and Brittany and some other women. And Janet is like, she's in this, now she's in this like barcaloundra thing, this massage chair. And she's like, oh my God, she said six girls were ganging up on her all at once. Nobody was ganging up on her. Yeah, she said a year ago, I said to her, I knew that you auditioned for the Housewives.

116.452 - 119.935 Nia

Get off that shit. No.

121.496 - 127.622 Lala

She's like, I can't get off this chair. It's squeezing my feet. I mean, what does she even care what I think? I'm like a fan of hers, you know?

Chapter 2: How does Lala respond to Danny's attitude during the recap?

128.302 - 145.277 Lala

And Michelle's like, if anybody was ganging up on somebody, it was her ganging up on me. The way that she game alone at me. That is a gang up. Amen. And the only thing, you know, I said, the only thing I don't like is that you sent my friend a legal letter. And Lala's like, well, has she apologized to you for that? Yes.

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146.557 - 162.004 Nia

No, never. And then Janet is now like, the chair is like tilting her up, like doing like an overhead leg extension or something like that. Janet's like, oh no, oh my God, I'm doing an extend. Oh no, it's stretching me out. Oh my God, oh my God.

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162.124 - 167.113 Unknown

I can't breathe. Oh my God, I can't breathe. It's hilarious.

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167.87 - 176.083 Lala

So, Zach and Luke are chatting outside, and Luke's like, oh, man, why does she have to go so dark, bro? Oh, shut up, Luke.

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176.604 - 186.199 Nia

I'm just, like, concerned because, like, Kristen seemed like she was in a very negative headspace because, like, I know Kristen's just, like, going through so many things. So, like, what happened today, Van Gogh?

186.753 - 207.124 Lala

And he's like, well, you know, it's being parents of a three-month-old and we're first-time parents. And, you know, sometimes she just gets to the point where she takes things out on people that she loves. Yeah, you and me. You and me both. And he starts crying. Luke's like, yeah, that's us. And I just want to feel respected and loved. And I don't get that.

208.285 - 223.052 Nia

And Luke is like, the constant criticism is hurtful. Well, you're engaged to Kristen Doty and you chose this path. And it sticks with me and it makes me question, am I a good dad? Am I failing Kristen? Am I even a good person? The answer is no, yes, no.

224.174 - 229.163 Lala

I was going to say, I'm questioning those things too. And I'm not even you.

229.143 - 251.927 Nia

so he's like i just want things acknowledged that she doesn't mean them like she just she just tell me like i snapped and lost my mind but regardless i shouldn't have said those things that i'm sorry and i love you and i want to live with you the rest of my life and i love our daughter together just whatever you know in our first night out dude it was like our first night out first time both leaving kaya we got into a fight it's like yeah yeah i know that so sorry go ahead man

Chapter 3: What drama unfolds among the women in the massage chair scene?

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329.04 - 343.913 Lala

So Zach has a monologue and he's like, you know, and like, you guys like, I don't know why I'm crying. You should be crying. But like, you know, like God knows she's, she's trying, you know, but she needs you to support her and you are everything she needs at the moment when she needs it. But you're such a good person and you're so good to Kristen.

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343.893 - 350.173 Lala

i'm like the best parent to kaya and that's all that matters oh my god am i running spray town down my face

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351.487 - 369.373 Nia

It's just been a long time since I felt the appreciation of what you just said about me. And that's not something I hear. There are like times I feel like I'm fighting for us and she's fighting against me and that's it. That's all there is to it. Cause never thought there was that potential that I'd be in a really dark place when I have a newborn baby with Kristen.

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369.393 - 380.869 Nia

Like that's not something I've ever considered, but like with Kristen, it's like, okay, okay. The point, Zach, I mean, Luke, you just gotta get over it. I'm sorry. Help your wife out. Help your wife. Okay.

380.849 - 400.835 Lala

Yeah, I think this would be different if we saw Luke carrying around the baby, carrying in the stuff, doing everything, and then Kristen just constantly berating him. But that's not what we're seeing. All the complaints we're seeing of Luke is, I can't go fishing when I want to. I can't go get shit faced when I want to. She doesn't feel good.

400.916 - 413.438 Lala

Well, how am I supposed to know what it's like in her body? I guess I'll just stay here and get shit faced with everybody else. You know, that's all we're seeing from you, Luke. So if we're only seeing a fraction of what she's seeing, so God help her.

414.278 - 439.071 Nia

Yeah, so then we see people doing various things. Tom texts Kiana like, love you so much, have a safe flight. You know, she's like, has her sunglasses on on the plane. Like, oh my God, just got a text from Tom. Oh my God, I'm a model. And then Jesse's checking to see if Kristen's okay. And then Brittany is FaceTiming Brandon. And then like a whole bunch of people are in the kitchen hanging out.

439.051 - 459.81 Nia

So Jason is like, hey, are you guys talking shit over there? He's like, no, we are just recapping. And Jason's like, yeah, well, you were kind of like out of 10 for no reason. Like, I don't know. That's a whole thing, bro. He's like, I wasn't out of 10. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? We go into 11. And so Zach's like, wait, wait, wait. Apologize right now. Apologize. You guys apologize.

Chapter 4: How do the discussions about parenting and relationships evolve?

600.41 - 612.546 Lala

Well, I was the one that got it, by the way, the ziz and the zizd. So why did my friends not get it, but I got it? And she's like, well, I knew what you guys were doing. Well, I was not doing anything, but you threatened to zoo me.

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613.488 - 636.424 Nia

Michelle, I spent money to try and get you to stop talking about me. Well, I wasn't talking about you. You talk about me. Your boyfriend talks about me. She's like, Michelle, she's like, Lacey, Lacey. It's like, Michelle, you don't have to be mean to me. I'm getting triggered by you being mean to me. And your first text to Jesse about me was, do you really want to like...

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636.404 - 642.354 Nia

fight and not like whatever, right? I'm actually like too triggered to even remember what the rest of the text said.

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642.374 - 661.163 Lala

I mean, your first text, okay? I mean, are we going to fight right now? And Michelle's like, I do not want to fight. I don't care. I do not care. Like Michelle's a little too heated for this situation and Lacey's just staying calm. She's like, okay, well, your first text to Jesse about me, she goes, I don't care. I do not care. She goes, when I was hanging out with your child, Wes, she's ugly.

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661.203 - 679.767 Lala

She'll never be my daughter's stepmom. She has too much plastic surgery. Jesse, can I have your phone so we can show her this text? And she goes, yes, bull up the degs. Bull it up. So Jesse's saying when they first started dating, Michelle hadn't filed for divorce yet, and he would go to Lacey for advice, and he would share as much as he could with her. Oh, I'm sure.

680.328 - 685.294 Lala

And Lacey's like, yeah, I think it's ridiculous to make fun of another woman's appearance.

685.932 - 705.358 Nia

So we see Michelle's text and they're like, look at all the crap you've said about me, yet you've already introduced her to a fake OC girl. And also things like, I don't approve of a girl who looks like that to be Isabella's stepmom. And I hope you don't end up with somebody like that for Isabella's sake.

705.378 - 728.139 Lala

She's like, Michelle, you were mean to me. She goes, you were mean to me. You were mean to me. She goes, no, I wasn't. And you pushed Jesse through a window. I love this because Michelle was just escalating, escalating. She's like, okay, so what about you pushing Jesse through a window? She's like, are you joking right now? Now I'm bugging biz. I pushed you through a window, Jesse.

728.259 - 742.418 Lala

And Jesse's like, oh, we're going there? Yeah, yeah, she did. She pushed me through a window. And Tom's like, whoa, wow, you really are strong, Michelle. I find that so attractive in a person. Michelle's like, really? You're telling a story about when we were married?

Chapter 5: What conflicts arise during the drag pageant preparations?

802.939 - 818.809 Lala

And Lala's like, because you're throwing crazy shit out there. And Jasmine's like, oh, my God, everyone's so insane, okay? Like, I don't know if it's just Michelle feeling a type of way because, you know, she's seeing Jesse happy, but this is nuts. And Lacey's like, Michelle, I apologize that I brought up the window thing.

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819.751 - 830.369 Nia

You don't know what happened. You weren't there. You did not see the window. And Jesse's like, why are we even arguing? As if he has not been pitting these women against each other. Although in this case, it was Brittany.

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830.99 - 836.219 Brittany

And Brittany's like, yeah, you guys have already worked past a lot of this stuff. So we're just rehashing a lot of bad stuff. So stop doing that.

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836.62 - 848.898 Lala

You started it. Fucking Brittany. This is so Brittany. I'm glad Jesse called it out because this is so Brittany to be honest. Y'all need to talk. God, you need to talk about your divorce stuff and the cease and desist. Why are we rehashing old stuff?

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849.459 - 868.164 Nia

Yeah, because Jesse's like, Brittany was the one who said, let's talk about the past and Brittany will start the fire and then just slide into the shadows and they just show her, she's just on her phone texting, ignoring this fight that she has allegedly invested in. And so he's like, I don't know if Brittany is sneaky or she's just been trained by Jax to be that way.

868.204 - 871.128 Nia

I mean, you're a little surprised with Jax, so.

872.21 - 872.59 Lala

What's that?

873.295 - 877.701 Nia

I said, you're the one that's friends with Jax, Jesse. He's, like, trying to throw the Jax stuff around as if he's not friends with Jax.

878.442 - 895.266 Lala

And Lacey's like, well, the amount of texts she sent to Jesse making fun of my appearance and saying I'll never be Isabella's stepmom because I have plastic surgery and I'm ugly. Of course I'm triggered. And he's like, nothing productive's coming out of this, okay? And Jasmine goes, just sign the divorce papers. Move the fuck on.

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