Nick Middaugh

But I'm getting sauced up on the couch, which was kind of the norm. I was saying that I'm staying up just in case Marky wakes up. But really, I just wanted to stay up by myself and get drunk, which usually that's what the norm was. And I wasn't drinking with anybody. There was no reason to celebrate, even though I gave myself every reason to be like, oh, today was shitty? Let's drink.

Oh, today was great? Let's celebrate. Like, there's no fucking celebration going on. It's just drinking.

Oh, today was great? Let's celebrate. Like, there's no fucking celebration going on. It's just drinking.

Oh, today was great? Let's celebrate. Like, there's no fucking celebration going on. It's just drinking.

Well, like you said, that time you considered yourself to be an alcoholic, so... And, you know, later on in the night, I'm super sauced, and, like, I'm thinking about this fucking childhood sexual abuse, and I'm thinking about... Things in my adult life and, you know, my self-image is just gone. And I'm like just in the pits of fucking just mental hell.

Well, like you said, that time you considered yourself to be an alcoholic, so... And, you know, later on in the night, I'm super sauced, and, like, I'm thinking about this fucking childhood sexual abuse, and I'm thinking about... Things in my adult life and, you know, my self-image is just gone. And I'm like just in the pits of fucking just mental hell.

Well, like you said, that time you considered yourself to be an alcoholic, so... And, you know, later on in the night, I'm super sauced, and, like, I'm thinking about this fucking childhood sexual abuse, and I'm thinking about... Things in my adult life and, you know, my self-image is just gone. And I'm like just in the pits of fucking just mental hell.

And so I kind of stumble over into the kitchen and I pull out a kitchen knife and I put it to my left elbow, the crook in my left elbow rather. And I'm like, this is it. I'm just going to fucking do it.

And so I kind of stumble over into the kitchen and I pull out a kitchen knife and I put it to my left elbow, the crook in my left elbow rather. And I'm like, this is it. I'm just going to fucking do it.

And so I kind of stumble over into the kitchen and I pull out a kitchen knife and I put it to my left elbow, the crook in my left elbow rather. And I'm like, this is it. I'm just going to fucking do it.

While my oldest child is asleep in the bedroom just down the hall, and my wife is in her bed, and that's the point that I had arrived to with my own choices and this victim mentality and just not being well. And I'm like sobbing. And I kind of stopped that shit. And I'm super drunk. And, uh... I start getting, like, mad, like I'm gonna will myself into this. Like, just thinking, like, this is it.

While my oldest child is asleep in the bedroom just down the hall, and my wife is in her bed, and that's the point that I had arrived to with my own choices and this victim mentality and just not being well. And I'm like sobbing. And I kind of stopped that shit. And I'm super drunk. And, uh... I start getting, like, mad, like I'm gonna will myself into this. Like, just thinking, like, this is it.

While my oldest child is asleep in the bedroom just down the hall, and my wife is in her bed, and that's the point that I had arrived to with my own choices and this victim mentality and just not being well. And I'm like sobbing. And I kind of stopped that shit. And I'm super drunk. And, uh... I start getting, like, mad, like I'm gonna will myself into this. Like, just thinking, like, this is it.

They don't deserve me. Or I don't deserve them, rather. Um, I'm a piece of shit dad. I'm not a good partner. This shit happened to me when I was a kid. Um... I'm just gonna end it, you know? And, uh... Fortunately, you know, out of nowhere, like my wife comes up behind me and I didn't hear her come up. I didn't anything like that.

They don't deserve me. Or I don't deserve them, rather. Um, I'm a piece of shit dad. I'm not a good partner. This shit happened to me when I was a kid. Um... I'm just gonna end it, you know? And, uh... Fortunately, you know, out of nowhere, like my wife comes up behind me and I didn't hear her come up. I didn't anything like that.

They don't deserve me. Or I don't deserve them, rather. Um, I'm a piece of shit dad. I'm not a good partner. This shit happened to me when I was a kid. Um... I'm just gonna end it, you know? And, uh... Fortunately, you know, out of nowhere, like my wife comes up behind me and I didn't hear her come up. I didn't anything like that.

She's not right next to me, but I hear her voice behind me and she's like, oh, my God, what are you doing? She's like, oh, my God, Nick, what are you doing? And I turn and I'm the best thing I can muster. So like immediately she's here. Now I'm crying. And so the best thing I can muster at the time was you stay the fuck away from me. which is like nice one Shakespeare.

She's not right next to me, but I hear her voice behind me and she's like, oh, my God, what are you doing? She's like, oh, my God, Nick, what are you doing? And I turn and I'm the best thing I can muster. So like immediately she's here. Now I'm crying. And so the best thing I can muster at the time was you stay the fuck away from me. which is like nice one Shakespeare.

She's not right next to me, but I hear her voice behind me and she's like, oh, my God, what are you doing? She's like, oh, my God, Nick, what are you doing? And I turn and I'm the best thing I can muster. So like immediately she's here. Now I'm crying. And so the best thing I can muster at the time was you stay the fuck away from me. which is like nice one Shakespeare.

Um, and, uh, she's like, is that how you want us to find you? Is that how you want your son to find you? You know, she could have split. She could have, it could went, you know, I don't know, but she, uh, she took a step forward and she said that, and I fucking dropped the knife in the sink and just collapsed, you know, crying. And, uh,