Nicole LePera

and we're still okay, that's where the real learning happens.

We literally, that's what healing is.

We have to give ourself a new experience, not anticipate, not know, maybe even deal with the worst thing that we anticipated happening, but show ourself that we're an adult.

We're okay.

We can tolerate discomfort.

We can maybe have someone think less of us if that's what they choose to think.

Their perception might have nothing to do with my reality in this moment.

And we can still go on.

That's what we needed in childhood is for someone to say, you are very upset right now.

And I see that.

And I'm going to be here through your upset.

And together, we're going to get to the other side and show both of us that we're all OK in this moment.

And when we didn't have that, we have to be that person in adulthood for ourselves.

But you're really saying something important, too, which is that

they hurt, right?

Everything that we're now struggling with came from a very devastating moment, perhaps in childhood where, again, someone wasn't there physically for us, emotionally for us, someone, again, abused us, crossed our boundaries.

Those moments hurt, right?

That's why we work so hard to avoid them at all costs, to be so perfect that even I'll avoid even the mildest criticism because it feels to me like what I'm hearing in that moment, my body feels like I'm being told I'm unworthy.

Right.

Or I worry about silence and distance in relationships.