Nicole McNichols

I'm all for it if it's your thing.

But for some people, it really is just as simple as maybe it's exploring...

I mean, look, the research says one new thing a month tends to lead to higher levels of sexual satisfaction than less than one new thing a month.

So if you are thinking about introducing a new position or introducing having sex at a different time of day, or maybe you're not in for like the full flogging, but gentle spanking seems like it could be something that's fun.

Maybe it's a different form of dirty talk.

Maybe it's a form of role play.

There can be all different micro forms of novelty that can keep things interesting.

But I mean, I think the other thing about sex is that we forget how a lot of it is just how we're showing up in the bedroom.

And I think that a lot of couples

they lose desire because they become sort of over-familiar, meaning there isn't enough of a effort to sort of indulge your own autonomy in the relationship.

And I do not mean creating distance, but rather encouraging your own self-growth, right?

Because the more that we can kind of stay on this path towards self,

being more connected, happy people, pursuing our own passions and the own things that light us up in our lives, we're going to bring that same sense of passion and being lit up about life back into the bedroom.

So it's really about showing up and...

feeling not just this is a function of how attractive am I to my partner, but how attractive am I to myself, right?

You kind of have to be able to look yourself in the mirror figuratively and literally and think, I want to have sex with myself before you're able to really engage with a partner in the bedroom.

I like that.

I think you have to kind of think about what's going on in your life that's leading you to feel that way, right?

Like what are sort of the, you know, if it's something that really has to do with anguish or anxiety, I mean, I cannot encourage therapy more.

I mean, I think it's, I think everyone personally should be in therapy, but untangling whatever those obstacles are that are kind of getting in your way, maybe the places in your life where you feel stuck.