Nicole McNichols

So I really wish we could undo this myth that denying people a sex education is going to keep them from getting in trouble when in fact the opposite is clearly true.

I always encourage people to lead with the positive.

If you're coming from this framework that curiosity is really what's going to be the goal here, I want you to sit down tonight with your partner and I want you to talk about the best sex you've ever had.

You want to use that as a launching point.

Because we know from the literature as well as intuition that we tend to do better when we're hearing about what's working well for our partner, what they enjoyed, what they want more of.

Maybe what they want more of that they're too afraid to tell us, right?

Maybe things that they're curious about trying but are too afraid to ask, right?

So I would say for couples, it's to sit down and have that conversation so that you can build anticipation, right?

And talk about, again, letting curiosity be your guide for, okay, well, we loved that position.

So maybe we could try another position that's sort of similar to that, that gets at that same angle.

Or, hey, I loved it that we had

sex after brunch and didn't try to do it when we're at home at night exhausted after dinner, maybe we could try planning intimacy earlier in the day again.

Or, hey, that was really hot when we had sex in the shower or in the laundry room, wherever it was, someplace different than just the bedroom.

What if we were to try that again?

So in other words, when you're thinking about concrete things that really worked, it can be helpful because, I mean, so many of us, if you say, what do you want?

It can kind of lead us feeling, I don't know, right?

I mean, especially when we're so used to not talking about sex, it can feel like a lot of pressure.

So if you're thinking about what did work and using that as a launching pad, that can be really helpful.

It's like the worst.

And the wine, I know.