Noa Sheer

It's harder research to do.

And it may involve some stalking online, but it may also involve some informal conversations, maybe over coffee or with mutual contacts to truly understand that person.

That is what's missing from a lot of preparation that I see.

Is there a level of manipulation to it?

That's another really good question.

My MBA students ask me that all the time.

So when I speak about the interest-based approach and how you're almost selling an idea or your price or your suggestion, your request, as something good for them, as a service to them, they ask, well, is that...

persuasion or is that manipulation and my answer is this if you are not adapting your suggestion your ask your request to the other party's needs at all you're just wrapping it up in words that make it sound more appealing

then you are doing something that's not ethical.

You might be manipulating, you might be persuading or misleading the other party.

And I say persuading loosely, but what you are doing is misleading the other party to think that what you're presenting them with is actually fantastic.

What you can do ethically is really consider the interests of the other party.

Add to the bargaining mix all the negotiable items and build a new package that includes some things that will create value for the other party.

So you need to think beyond yourself and what it is that you want.

How can I get what I want and also ensure that there's a lot of value for the other party?

And so you're rejigging or reinventing the deal in a way that's ethically serving the other party truly.

Exactly.

That's exactly right.

I think what I've learned, what I've always known, but I've really seen over the last, I don't know, 15 years of doing this is that people are not stupid.

They are very clever and they know how to identify a tactic and they know how to identify fake relationship building efforts.