Owen

Are you recommending the husband apology?

I think Scott talked about the husband apology.

So there are situations in a relationship, like a marriage, where both people think they're right and they think the other one's wrong.

And Alison Armstrong kind of recommends this as well.

as a way to help men and women get along better is that the way she explains it is when a woman in a relationship feels like she's been wronged by the man, she goes into this, I forget if it's sympathetic or parasympathetic, her nervous system's going nuts and she can't even breathe and she's just out of her normal mode and she can't get back there until she gets an apology.

But there are many situations where the man doesn't think he did anything wrong.

And so what do you do?

And she recommends this husband apology, which is basically just the guy says he's sorry and gives the apology, even though he doesn't think he's wrong.

I didn't quite finish.

I want to explain.

She also says the very important thing for a woman in that situation is to accept that apology and not go after him.

If the woman...

accepts the apology and recognizes that it's a gift.

It's a gift to get that apology because it allows her to go back into her normal mode of feeling, that that will work out well.

But if she doubles down, if she goes after him, if she starts getting even more angry or in any way

punishes him for doing that, she'll never get that husband apology again.

Well, it's not so much about was the apology good enough.

I think it's more just if the husband gives the apology, the woman should just show gratitude or at least accept the apology and not say, I was right and keep going.

Because if you do that, then the man just learned that that doesn't work and he's never going to do that again.

oh well so this is just part of her coaching for both men and women in terms of how to get through these situations but um i think it falls somewhat in line with what it was in the reframe that you know if you're judging more based on how the person handled the mistake