Oz Pearlman

And what am I going to say? I'm wearing the shirt. This is on a Friday night. How old are you? I was 20 years old and I was just about to get an internship for Merrill Lynch. And while this story is hilarious now, it's like a funny chapter in my book. It was like, God help me. Did I avoid everything? And then when I went to jail, yo, scariest, one of the scariest days of my life.

How did you get out of everything? So I got out of everything because I had a clean record. I was a pretty upstanding citizen. And, you know, not to get in the weeds, there's something called Holmes Youthful Trainee Act. I don't know if they still have it. It was expunged from my record. Didn't have to report it to, like, the Wall Street firm. And they also said they were charging me.

How did you get out of everything? So I got out of everything because I had a clean record. I was a pretty upstanding citizen. And, you know, not to get in the weeds, there's something called Holmes Youthful Trainee Act. I don't know if they still have it. It was expunged from my record. Didn't have to report it to, like, the Wall Street firm. And they also said they were charging me.

How did you get out of everything? So I got out of everything because I had a clean record. I was a pretty upstanding citizen. And, you know, not to get in the weeds, there's something called Holmes Youthful Trainee Act. I don't know if they still have it. It was expunged from my record. Didn't have to report it to, like, the Wall Street firm. And they also said they were charging me.

They put us in, like, a drunk tank, me and two buddies. And they said they're charging us with felony larceny. And I've seen some, like, law and order. I'm like, felony? It's like, what do we steal? Like, 20 bucks worth of stuff? They go, but you stole things they don't sell. Had you stolen $999 of pizza... It would have been a misdemeanor. And I know they're lying to me. I'm not a mentalist then.

They put us in, like, a drunk tank, me and two buddies. And they said they're charging us with felony larceny. And I've seen some, like, law and order. I'm like, felony? It's like, what do we steal? Like, 20 bucks worth of stuff? They go, but you stole things they don't sell. Had you stolen $999 of pizza... It would have been a misdemeanor. And I know they're lying to me. I'm not a mentalist then.

They put us in, like, a drunk tank, me and two buddies. And they said they're charging us with felony larceny. And I've seen some, like, law and order. I'm like, felony? It's like, what do we steal? Like, 20 bucks worth of stuff? They go, but you stole things they don't sell. Had you stolen $999 of pizza... It would have been a misdemeanor. And I know they're lying to me. I'm not a mentalist then.

And I'm inebriated. But I can read the room. Didn't say a word. Knew this was BS. And then they separate us when we went to general population. And it's not like the movies. It was wild. It was wild when I went in there. And I just knew this is my cheat code. It was like everything in life had prepared me for this moment.

And I'm inebriated. But I can read the room. Didn't say a word. Knew this was BS. And then they separate us when we went to general population. And it's not like the movies. It was wild. It was wild when I went in there. And I just knew this is my cheat code. It was like everything in life had prepared me for this moment.

And I'm inebriated. But I can read the room. Didn't say a word. Knew this was BS. And then they separate us when we went to general population. And it's not like the movies. It was wild. It was wild when I went in there. And I just knew this is my cheat code. It was like everything in life had prepared me for this moment.

And the jail was also, again, I didn't know this, but it was very segregated. Like the white dudes are here. The black dudes are here. And I didn't know, what do you do when you go in? Like, what do you do? I'm five foot nothing. I'm like a buck 40 dripping wet. What do I do? How do you make friends right now?

And the jail was also, again, I didn't know this, but it was very segregated. Like the white dudes are here. The black dudes are here. And I didn't know, what do you do when you go in? Like, what do you do? I'm five foot nothing. I'm like a buck 40 dripping wet. What do I do? How do you make friends right now?

And the jail was also, again, I didn't know this, but it was very segregated. Like the white dudes are here. The black dudes are here. And I didn't know, what do you do when you go in? Like, what do you do? I'm five foot nothing. I'm like a buck 40 dripping wet. What do I do? How do you make friends right now?

And I see the black guys playing spades and I just walk up and it's like, you make your move. And I'm like, let me see those cards. And it was just, it's like a moment I have. And I didn't stop for hours. I didn't repeat a trick. Like I know tricks encyclopedically. I just go all day. Wow.

And I see the black guys playing spades and I just walk up and it's like, you make your move. And I'm like, let me see those cards. And it was just, it's like a moment I have. And I didn't stop for hours. I didn't repeat a trick. Like I know tricks encyclopedically. I just go all day. Wow.

And I see the black guys playing spades and I just walk up and it's like, you make your move. And I'm like, let me see those cards. And it was just, it's like a moment I have. And I didn't stop for hours. I didn't repeat a trick. Like I know tricks encyclopedically. I just go all day. Wow.

It was crazy. And then it was all thrown out, and it cost me some money. It was definitely a very, very stressful few weeks, and I never stole anything since. Honestly, that was scared straight. That was very, very smart. Like, I... You prefer to learn a lesson like that, for my kids especially, without being stupid.

It was crazy. And then it was all thrown out, and it cost me some money. It was definitely a very, very stressful few weeks, and I never stole anything since. Honestly, that was scared straight. That was very, very smart. Like, I... You prefer to learn a lesson like that, for my kids especially, without being stupid.

It was crazy. And then it was all thrown out, and it cost me some money. It was definitely a very, very stressful few weeks, and I never stole anything since. Honestly, that was scared straight. That was very, very smart. Like, I... You prefer to learn a lesson like that, for my kids especially, without being stupid.

But so many of us have to be stupid to internalize a lesson of touching the stove. And I had to burn my hands. Did you always talk this way, the way you talk?