Pablo Torre

And what I found out that night is that patronacy is exactly what you think it is, and exactly what Marshawn Lynch apparently envisioned.

Half Patron, half Hennessy.

Which is why I also found out that drinking patronacy made me feel like Shane Battier during his freshman year.

And just to clarify here, by the way, I did not grow up dreaming of a bond with this man.

As I said, I grew up watching Shane take charges, slap floors, become a champion at Duke.

I am the national player of the year and a three-time defensive player of the year.

But he went to Duke.

And after the Memphis Grizzlies, the god-awful Memphis Grizzlies drafted Shane, sixth overall in 2001,

I mostly forgot about him.

I think most people did.

But in 2009, no less than Michael Lewis wrote a seminal article about Shane Battier for the New York Times Magazine.

And this article had an unforgettable headline.

The No Stats All-Star.

Because Shane, at this point, was a 30-year-old glue guy, a nerdy glue guy, grinding away for the Houston Rockets.

And what Michael Lewis basically did was make the case for why this relatively minor character, who had this vomitously maniacal devotion to defense, to frustrating the most unstoppable scorers in the world, actually represented the modern evolution of sports culture writ large.

Shane was analytical, he avoided taking two-point shots because of their inefficiency, and also

Well, you see the headline.

The embedded sort of premise of the no stats all-star is that in ways that cannot be actually quantified, but can be begun to be detected by the most advanced metrics.

So it's really the advanced math all-star more than it is the no stats all-star.

Yeah.