Papi

Oh. What happened? Papi. I'm still recuperating.

No. I tell you one thing. I wasn't expecting that kind of performance. Losing at home by 40 points on 60 points, that got to be a record.

They are in the record books. They got to be a record.

I don't know. It looked like he was shell-shocked. Did he have a press conference after the game or he just left the arena running on fire?

He said he was embarrassed?

He has the best gig in the NBA. Are you kidding me?

$18 million for six months of work? That's a hell of a deal.

Is he? Really? I don't know.

I guess. I guess you are the expert. You know, I'm just a fan. I mean, I just sit on the stands and I just watch the performance. He looked to me like he was shot on the sideline.

Well, no. I'm always eating, so that's not a big deal. I mean, you got to tell me something that I don't know. I knew that. When they put me on TV, I'm always eating. What can I tell you?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's okay. That's okay. No embarrassment. That's my go-to move. Whenever I'm a little bit nervous, I begin to eat. Do you see Hero? He had a hell of a series. And so I devalue.

Adebayo? No. That's his last name. That's how you pronounce his last name.

They had that pick-and-roll play. They used to play, the Cavaliers used to play about 50 times during the playoff against the Heat. It's a good play. It's a good play. Yeah, well, they couldn't stop them. I kept using the play. I'm sitting there and say, you got to stick your foot out or do something, kick the ball, you know?

You got to do something, man. You know, I mean, time after time, the same guy, whoever number 31 was, you know, he was a major pick. And Esportra was sitting, was on the sidelines. I couldn't believe Esportra, you know, you got to. Tell them to stick their leg out.

No, I don't complain. I just watch the game. I never complain. I just watch the game. Did you just get up from the couch or something? There was a sound made there that I didn't recognize. Did you just get up from the couch? It's a stretch. No, I was laying on bed, you know, I was recuperating.

I was, you know, I couldn't sleep. I haven't slept for about three days.

Oh, even Mickey Harrison, he disguised himself. He was wearing a fake mustache, sunglasses, a wig, the whole ball of wax.

It is.

Danny, how are you? Oh, Danny, what happened to the running beer? He was in the hot tub. Oh, he sank the heat, Danny.

I was watching until about 1 o'clock in the morning. I couldn't sleep.

No, I stayed up. Yeah, I stayed up. Your mother likes to watch the game with me, so I had no choice but to stay up. But the running beer was still in a hot hand. And I saw the brothers. What's the name? Jeff and Stan Van Gundy. They were helping the other team. They were on the rocket side. That wasn't good. The Clippers? Yeah. They were on the Clippers side. I saw Jeff.

Is he an assistant head coach there?

Oh, I didn't know that. And we saw also Stan. I think that your mother saw Stan there on the sideline.

The guy's soft. He's a soft player. You know, you got to keep your fingers crossed, make sure that he doesn't get hurt before the playoff. That's it. I mean, you know that. I know that. Everybody knows that in the last four years, you know. He hasn't been able to make it to the playoffs.

Yes.

Well, listen, I'm waiting for Jimmy Buckets to come back. I'm telling you, that guy is something else.

Oh, there was bad blood between Spoh and Jimmy Buckets. Last year, Jimmy Buckets challenged Spoh to a fight, and UD had to step in. Don't you remember that incident of the court?

Well, there you have it. You know, this thing has been carrying over over a year now. But I can't wait for Jimmy to come back, and then he's going to throw 40, 50 points on the other team, and then they got to interview Jimmy on national TV. What do you think Jimmy's going to say?

Well, I'm not going to show my hands. It's going to get a little bit tricky there, buddy. I'm telling you. Unless they don't want to talk to Jimmy, they might bypass Jimmy and talk to the Mexican Estadio. Jimmy Hackett. Who's Jimmy Hackett? Jaime Hackett.

Jimmy Hackett. That's the English version of Jaime Hackett. So I call him Jimmy Hackett.

Why did you call him Jimmy Hackett? I got the once in a while, I get the senior moments. You know what I mean?

Well, I mean, you know, I mean, crushing Spolstra? I don't crush Spolstra. I think that Spolstra should move on. They should give him a promotion. Kick him upstairs. Give him a rally show. Let's rally retire. Give him $10 million a year to Spolstra. Big office. View to a view to Biscayne Bay. Are you kidding me? And bring you-know-who into Miami. He's going to get things squared away.

Who's you-know-who? You know, my guy, the butcher.

The Dolphins, I tell you, they need this guy Tua to come back. You know, my recommendation was give him a bigger helmet, a bigger size helmet to take care of the hits. You know what I mean? Without that guy, the Dolphins, they don't got a chance, buddy. I'm telling you. They almost made it to the playoffs without Tua this year. But, you know, this guy, what's the guy's name? Tyler Huntley?

he can fill those shoes, Tua's shoes. Are you kidding me? And his head coach, he looks like a chemistry teacher in high school. He doesn't look like a football coach. I don't know.

I said, maybe you drop out.

You got to give credit to this guy who writes for the Herald. What's his name? Armando Salgado. He has been writing for the Herald for the last 50 years. You know, he writes exemption.

shit every time you know what I mean he gotta come up with something new and he keeps coming back at the readers you know he's a tiger Armando I hear that he has a big follow a bunch of followers are following him up you know what I mean that takes a great deal of creativity Armando Salguero hasn't worked for the Miami Herald in about five years Really?

Gee, I thought that he was still one of the biggest dolphin riders for the Herald. Dad, you're so full of shit, Dad.

Well, when I go to the Publix and I don't buy the paper because it's too expensive. I just glance at the paper and I read the news, you know, and I count and I put it back.

No, I don't steal the news. I mean, I just borrow the paper. I tell the guy, can I see what is in the news? Do you see if it's worth spending, you know, a buck or a buck fifty on the hero?

Dad, you used to do this.

Well, because I had to eat the candies so your mother couldn't see me. If your mother sees me eating the candies, she would complain that it was good for me. I mean, it wasn't good for me. was a lot of sugar with the candy. So I tried to stay away from her. So that's the only place where I could eat some candy. So what can I tell you? But do you remember that?

All right. Take care, buddy. Bye. Love you. Bye. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.

He said titties, and it shocked me a little bit. I wasn't quite prepared for titties. This is the Don Levitard Show with the Stugatz.

This is the Dan Labatar Show with the Stugatz.

Yo, chicken time!

These clamps are vicious. He prats the nipple clamps. Who will use these? They're adjustable. Christian, my sexual mentor. My mouth is already open from panting. I open wider and he slides a large cool metal object between my... ...shaped like an oversized baby pacifier. He has a small groove or carvings. I'm going to put this... His fingers throw between my buttocks. Spreading oil.

Instantly, the plug starts to vibrate. Down there. It feels alien. Fool. Forbidden. But oh, so good. As my body explodes, I'm nothing but sensation everywhere.

This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.

I want you sore, baby, he murmurs, and he continues his sweet, literally torment. Backward, forward, every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I have been here, only me. You are mine.

His lips are parted. He's waiting, coiled to strike. Desire, acute, liquid and smoldering. Combust deep in my belly. I think that's enough.

He's naked except for those soft ripped jeans, top buttons casually undone. Jeez, he looks so freaking hot. My subconscious is frantically fanning herself and my inner goddess is swaying and riding to some primal carnal rhythm.

I still want more. I whisper. I know, he says. I will try. I blink up at him and he relinquishes my hand and pulls at my chin, releasing my trapped lip. For you, Anastasia, I will try.

I grab the bag and dart into the bathroom, away from the unnerving proximity of naked Christian. Michelangelo's David has nothing on him. In the bathroom, it is all hot and steamy. I strip off my clothes and quickly clamber into the shower, anxious to be under the cleansing stream of water. It cascades over me, and I haul up my face into the welcoming torrent. I want Christian Grey.

I want him badly. Simple fact. For the first time in my life, I want to go to bed with the man. I want to feel his hands and his mouth on me.

This is the Dan Levatard Show with the Stugatz.

Christian trails a sponge full of ice cream down the center of my body. He kisses each of my breasts and ****** each of my nipples hard. My mouth is already open from panting. I open wider and he slides a large cool metal object between my ******. Sitting beside me, he gently pulls my sweatpants down, up and down like a horse drawers. He flexes his hips so his ****** pushes against me.

Yes, right there. In the bathroom, it is all hot and steamy. I strip off my clothes and quickly clamber into the shower, and I haul up my face into the welcoming torrent. I want Christian Grey.

Michelangelo's David has nothing on him. Es suficiente, Papi.

This is the Don Levatar Show with the Stoogads.

Well, I don't know. I had something here that was chocolate... Chocolate type of bread, I guess. That was very good. Very good, you know. I also was looking at the fruit snacks. That's excellent, too. Very good choice. Very good choice.

i had some cashews too uh you you you had a good eye good eye and i'm looking at the big spread here and uh it's very tempting you know i gotta stay away from this stuff it's not good for you dad you say this all the time chris cody said during the show distracted me during a segment by saying your dad's eating my lunch well you know cody's a tough act to follow he's uh

It's quite a bit, too, you know? So I'm trying to keep up with him. What can I tell you?

Oh, Billy, why were you so secret about that FIU job you had there? Baseball and the trip, huh?

Yeah, that's what the Godfather says and knows. Keep your card close to the vest so you never know what you're going to get, right? Don't let people know your next move. There you have it. He's talking like an executive now. He's talking like you, Dan. Dan's a suit now, Papi. I know that. I know that. He didn't learn that from me. It probably was from his mother.

Oh, yeah, you're leaving the state to celebrate yourself in a very unique way? Really? That sounds intriguing to me. You want to come? No, no, no, I'm too old for that.

You better be careful with the bird.

Well, what can I tell you? I got no choice. That's the way the estate operates. If you want to get a refund, you gotta pay it first. Show proof of payment, proof of inspection, and then if you're lucky, you're going to get some money back. So what's happening, buddy? What happened to the Celtics? Oh, the butcher was on fire last night.

He got it done. I'm telling you, he's my man. He was on fire last night. I saw that movie a couple of nights ago. Same shit.

Well, what do you mean? You know, I'm surprised. Didn't you enjoy the game last night?

Who do you want to see? Look at what is happening to the Joker. They choke again, you know. OKC is too much for the Joker. And the other sidekick, what's the other guy's name?

I forgot the guy from Canada. I forgot that.

The Canadian guy.

What do you mean? Didn't you enjoy the game last night?

What do you mean?

I forgot his name. Bennett? Jason Bennett.

Oh, Jamal, Jamal Brown?

Ich habe den Joker richtig, das ist das Wichtigste.

José González, he's the killing guy.

Didn't you enjoy the game last night?

You don't agree?

Our own version of AI.

Papi? Yeah.

Oh, Dani, como estas? How are you?

I didn't recognize you. I was expecting a phone call from an inspector. So I thought that that was the call. I was wrong.

A new roof. I put a new roof. I'm trying to get some money from the estate. So they got to inspect the work. Then I get some money back. But I had to put the money up front first. How are you doing today?

Holidays, a time for peace, for love, for presence. And do I have one for you. It's Poppy's Fifty Shades of Christmas. You're welcome.

Thank you, Papi. See, Greg? That's how it's done.

Okay, time to start the show.