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The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

Local Hour: 30 Uninterrupted Seconds (feat. Papi)

02 Apr 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What recent events sparked a debate about the Miami Heat's performance?

0.082 - 3.427 Mike

Hello? Bobby?

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4.729 - 13.904 Amin

He just hung up. Gotta call him back.

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16.508 - 19.032 Jeremy

Love the sound of a dial. This is old school right here.

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24.145 - 25.687 Jeremy

I can't hear it anymore, but there is dialing.

25.707 - 29.632 Mike

We just took two numbers. Well, these are never orchestrated.

Chapter 2: How did the Miami Marlins influence the office's excitement?

29.652 - 37.503 Mike

These are always live. I'm always a little scared of these because I never know what my father's going to actually say because he doesn't know. Hello? Papa.

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38.243 - 39.385 Papi

Danny, como esta?

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40.166 - 40.567 Mike

What happened?

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40.587 - 41.147 Papi

How are you?

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41.187 - 42.729 Mike

What happened to the heat, papi?

44.271 - 49.078 Papi

Oh, the heat, man. I got a headache. That first quarter, how many points? Fifty.

49.518 - 51.621 Mike

Fifty. Not 85. Fifty.

51.955 - 57.807 Papi

I don't know, man. Are you sure about that? It was 50. Everything was falling for them. Everything was falling for them.

Chapter 3: What were the key moments of the Miami Heat's recent game against the Boston Celtics?

57.847 - 60.312 Papi

They make all threes. How many threes they make during the game?

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60.332 - 63.84 Mike

That one Hauser guy made 45 threes in the first quarter. It was crazy.

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64.421 - 85.436 Papi

Oh, my God. I tell you one thing. I was surprised. And Hero, he just disappeared. I'm going to call him Houdini. He's a Houdini guy. He's tough against the shitty teams. He's tough against the big teams. The good teams, he disappears.

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85.456 - 90.362 Mike

So what kind of magic act is that? Tough against the shitty teams, but then he disappears?

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90.382 - 101.654 Papi

Yeah, he's tough. I bet he's going to score about 80 points against the Wizards. You watch. You watch Saturday. The guy's going to roar like a big star.

Chapter 4: What criticisms were made about the Heat's front office decisions?

101.774 - 110.966 Papi

And then when he comes around the Celtics, he shrinks. You know, he runs away. How many points he got last night? 12 points, 15 points, something like that.

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111.026 - 112.829 Mike

18 points.

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112.849 - 118.878 Papi

Yeah, that's for a $30 million a year guy. That's very expensive points, you know?

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119.279 - 120 Mike

Who else are you mad at?

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120.04 - 143.463 Papi

What can I tell you? Who else are you mad at? No, I'm not mad at anybody. I'm just waiting for them to finish in 10th place, just make clinch. a little spot in the playoff, and then make a big run for the Big Ten. That's what I'm predicting. What can I tell you? How about you? What are you predicting? Do you think that they can beat the Celtics? Do you think that they can beat the Pistons?

143.483 - 144.584 Papi

Do you think that they can beat Milwaukee?

Chapter 5: How does the current roster affect the Heat's chances this season?

144.604 - 153.934 Mike

No, Bobby, the season's over. The season's over. They started 14-8. They fooled some people with their offense, and they've been 500 since. They can't beat anybody good. They haven't been playing defense for a month.

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154.555 - 179.888 Papi

What do you mean? They got heroes. They got the best coach in the NBA. What do you mean? The season is over. You're not out until you're out. Who said that? Who said that? Who was the philosopher who said that? Yogi Berra. There you have it. That's my man, Yogi. He was a big guy. Yeah, I mean, the first quarter last night, that was painful to watch.

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Chapter 6: What are the implications of Sandy Alcantara's performance for the Marlins?

180.307 - 184.374 Papi

I had to go to the bathroom about three times in the first quarter.

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185.776 - 186.898 Mike

Isn't that just because you're old?

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187.8 - 194.972 Papi

I don't know what happened to my system. I got too excited last night, you know? Excited about what?

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195.172 - 201.502 Mike

Celtics scoring 50 points in the first quarter, excited about what? The Heat chasing them, chasing them 20 points down the whole game?

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201.763 - 227.06 Papi

Well, all I can tell you is that the Godfather got big plans. They got big plans for this year, next year, and the years ahead. You know, you got to believe in the Godfather. He's going to roll those dice over the table, and he tried to get Durant. Is Durant available by any chance, you know? Durant? Yeah. He look good. I mean, he looks like a... All right, Dan, I can't talk to you anymore.

227.1 - 229.823 Mike

These are the ramblings of an old man. I can't talk to you anymore.

231.025 - 235.17 Papi

Why not? He's about my age, and he's playing basketball.

Chapter 7: What strategies are being discussed for the Marlins moving forward?

235.336 - 240.384 Papi

What can I tell you? You know what I mean? Goodbye, Dad. But I got big plans for the heat.

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240.784 - 252.462 Mike

Goodbye, Dad. What are your big plans for the heat, Dad? Go ahead. End it with one shitty joke because you know we're calling you. You know you're on air and now you're performing a shitty dance and it's better when you don't know we're calling.

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253.163 - 258.671 Papi

I didn't know you were calling. What do you mean I'm on air? What do you mean air? What air? What air?

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258.771 - 259.633 Mike

Shitty actor.

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259.673 - 260.614 Papi

Get him out of here.

261.055 - 262.457 Mike

Get him out of here.

265.188 - 269.224 Papi

This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.

273.136 - 296.708 Mike

I think it would be fair for me today to preach a trulogy on the Miami Heat season after what you just saw happen last night. And I don't know how much objection I would get from Amin in the way of overreaction for what the last 10 games of Heat basketball has brought us against good teams where they just get dragged.

Chapter 8: What final thoughts were shared about the future of Miami sports?

296.728 - 306.54 Mike

50 points in the first quarter is crazy. How is Jason Tatum going to reintegrate with these Celtics? Who knows? It's going to be because Sam Houser is going to make five threes in the first quarter.

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306.681 - 313.854 Roy

He's got a triple-double. I mean, I don't think Sam Houser had a lot to do with it. Are we about done with the Heat talk? It's baseball season, Dan.

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314.575 - 339.745 Mike

I want to get to the Heat, and I want to get to baseball because the Marlins are 5-1, and they have an ace, a legitimate ace, who can carry a team and get you excited if they get all bargains on all their discount coupon Tampa Bay Rays guys. If all these young guys, if they go 7-9 on the young cheap guys, and it's like, oh, those are seven amazing players.

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339.725 - 346.692 Tony

Have you ever seen a discount bin at the dollar store? That's kind of what's going on, right? You walk around, you're like, oh, this is even discounted more.

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346.973 - 363.15 Mike

So this is a crazy roster construction, okay? At the top of the hill, you got the ace. He blew out his arm. But when he's on, holy shit, he's scooveled from the right side. Is he back? Complete game. Really, Sandy? Welcome back. You were the best in the league for a minute. And then you got hurt, and that's the only guy they're paying.

363.13 - 366.279 Amin

I didn't even know they did complete games anymore. I thought that was outlawed in baseball.

366.299 - 383.8 Mike

He didn't either, but he makes it look easy, right? This is an unhittable person when he's at his best. He won at Cy Young. When everyone's throwing 100 miles an hour, that guy goes out there and throws 98 all over the place and nobody can hit him. And so if he's back... He wasn't last year. He was bad last year because he was hurt and rehabbing and then had up and down.

384.081 - 408.423 Mike

But that's who he was when he won the Cy Young, what we just saw yesterday. And he'll do that to the White Sox, but he'll do that to the Yankees too. He can do that to anybody. And so you've got an ace in the middle of your city now. And the Marlins try to build themselves back up. And I think they got Mike on the way home. He was wearing a Marlins jersey yesterday, and we did not comment on it.

408.444 - 414.619 Mike

And then he stopped in for a two-hour game yesterday on the ride home and had the ballpark to himself.

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