Patric Gagne

I mean, yes, but listen, I don't want to, as much as I appreciate the compliment, I don't want to give my young self too much credit because for a long time, I would have done just about anything to have assimilated.

But there was always, you know, again, I realized really quickly that I was different and that the fastest way to sort of separate myself from society, from friends, from family was to admit these things. And that's, I think, the big misconception about the anti-social personalities, like that we are anti-social. No, no, I'm all for society. I'm all for comfort and collaboration.

I'm just against your rules of engagement. That's where I differ. And I think what kicked in for me was just rebellion. And that once I sort of understood my personality type, once I had a better understanding of what that meant and what I, like the normalization of how I was or was not feeling, that's really when it was, yeah, I'm not going to be like you. And guess what? I don't have to.

I don't have to. Discomfort's your problem. It's not my problem. Yeah. I just sort of stopped playing the game. And it was very liberating for me, just the idea that, and I saw this somewhere, what is it? Your religion doesn't tell me what to do. It tells you what to do. And that's very much how I felt. It's like, no, no, these societal rules are, these are your rules.

I mean, certainly I understand the difference between right and wrong, but I don't, I don't have to do these things that you guys are all doing. And I find that that makes people, not everybody, but it makes certain people very angry. The idea that, well, how come she just gets to do whatever she wants? And it's, you can do whatever you want to, you know, you have chosen to stay in this small box.

You can get out anytime you want, but I think it's easier to just be angry at people who don't subscribe to those belief systems than it is to take a look at yourself and decide you want to change.

Yeah, and that's what the research seems to indicate, that yes, there are these extreme examples, but they get the most attention. Therefore, the personality disorder has become defined by only these extreme examples, when in reality, the research indicates that the majority of the sociopathic personality population falls on the mild to moderate side of the spectrum.

I think that, again, the reason that I wrote my book is because research, treatment interventions, different modalities. This population is so woefully underserved. I wish I could say, call this phone number and ask for this type of therapist. That's not available yet. But until it is, I would try to normalize the internal experience as much as possible, not the behavior.

I never want to normalize destructive behavior. But I definitely remember that for me, once I understood that the kind of person that I was seemed to align with this checklist. As crazy as that might sound, I felt relief when I received my diagnosis. I felt relief when I saw myself in this checklist because it was okay, like I'm not crazy or maybe I am, but at least I'm in good company.

There's a reason that I don't feel things the way that other people do. And it's okay. It's not okay to engage in behaviors that are harmful to other people, but you can't do anything about the way you feel. And ultimately there is nothing immoral about having limited access to emotion. It's not what we feel. It's what we do.

And going through that sort of normalization process for me really took a tremendous amount of air out of the balloon. I noticed that my compulsions weren't as great. I didn't feel this need to act out as much once I was able to normalize that internal landscape. And if you are a parent who sees your child in this personality type, or you have a partner or a sister or a parent who

I think giving that person permission to describe their internal emotional world without the pearl clutching is amazing. 80% of it. I remember reading in your book, you had said something, you said, I can feel everything and survive. And I remember thinking, I can feel nothing and survive. Wow. It was really like, it's the same. It's the same experience. We're just experiencing it differently.

Yes. And giving other people permission to read that line that way, I think would go a long way in just self-acceptance, which is really, really important for any personality type, not just a sociopath or a psychopath or someone with antisocial personality disorder.

it's so gross that a certain group of people have decided that there's only one way to be. And then that group of people also just happens to be the group of people that are the least in touch with who they are as individuals. Like, Oh, is this the part where I take life advice from you? Like hard pass.

I'm so glad I really, yes, I did write it for the sociopathic population, but I remember thinking that as I was writing it, I really hope the neurotypical individuals get as much out of this because we're all in this together. We all share this space. And if the only people that understand this are people like me, then, you know, they probably already understood it on some level.

I really wanted everybody to be able to approach this personality type with a different understanding because we coexist.