Patrick Callahan

Hi, Mom. Hell yeah.

Does your mom look exactly like you? She does. It's kind of... People get us confused, you know?

Are you preggers? You're like, what is that? This is what happens when you lose, like, 100 pounds twice and then gain it back twice.

Uh... It wasn't eating pussy. Hey... It's when your parents always tell you to finish the plate, you know, clean plate cup. Don't do that. You're not supposed to eat the plate, too. I know, I know, yeah.

She's in the basement.

Yeah. It's close to one, you know?

You got Skyline around, you know? I love it. What do you do for work? I, uh, fix ice machines. You gotta be fucking kidding me. Swear. Pretty...

That's all right. My goodness. Wow. What do you do for fun? Comedy. I don't know. I make a lot of, I produce like podcasts and stuff. Trying to be Red Band, you know?

I can whistle like a train. That's kind of cool. Oh, let's hear that. All right. Terrible. All right, fuck me. Uh...

They should. It's autism, you know. Sounded a lot like a UFO. Something.

Okay.

Hey, what's up, guys? Wow. Wow. Let's get this out of the way. I don't know if you guys can tell, but I am a man. I know, you thought I was a lunch lady, but... Yeah. I am a man. But I get called ma'am a lot. I'll go to the drive-through, I'll order my food, and they'll be like, okay, can I get anything else for you, ma'am? I always panic a little bit. I'm like, no, no.

Then I get up to the window, they're looking at me all confused. They're like, I thought you were a lady. I'm like, yeah, she's in the trunk. I got here to Nashville yesterday and I smoked some weed. Hell yeah. And I had the best meal of my entire life. You guys ever tried bread? You ever toasted it? All right, guys. That's me. That's it. All right. I'm Patrick. All right.