Paul Brunson

Sure, sure. So out of Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby research, which, you know, Bowlby from the UK, Ainsworth from Canada, the whole idea is it was something called the strange situations test. which examined the relationship that we have with our first caregivers. And those who had a secure attachment is where your caregiver was really always there for you.

Sure, sure. So out of Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby research, which, you know, Bowlby from the UK, Ainsworth from Canada, the whole idea is it was something called the strange situations test. which examined the relationship that we have with our first caregivers. And those who had a secure attachment is where your caregiver was really always there for you.

So in your time of need, your caregiver was always there to be of support. Anxious, which a large percentage of the population is anxious, anxious is where your caregiver was there sometimes. Other times they weren't. This is very prevalent in immigration communities, first, second generation, especially second generation immigrants where your parent was working.

So in your time of need, your caregiver was always there to be of support. Anxious, which a large percentage of the population is anxious, anxious is where your caregiver was there sometimes. Other times they weren't. This is very prevalent in immigration communities, first, second generation, especially second generation immigrants where your parent was working.

You know, they're out hustling, multiple jobs, and they're there for you sometimes, but they can't be there for you all the time. And then you have avoidant. Avoidant is when the caregiver wasn't there. So you had to learn to self-soothe. You end up seeing a large number of very successful business people are avoidants. Why? Because they've learned to be self-reliant. Anxious?

You know, they're out hustling, multiple jobs, and they're there for you sometimes, but they can't be there for you all the time. And then you have avoidant. Avoidant is when the caregiver wasn't there. So you had to learn to self-soothe. You end up seeing a large number of very successful business people are avoidants. Why? Because they've learned to be self-reliant. Anxious?

tend to be more of what feels to be needy, right? Secure, I'm okay. I'm okay by myself. Now, why do anxious and avoidance end up matching? Because the anxious feels comfortable in pursuit, right? That's our disposition. And I think I'm earning more of a secure. But my natural inclination is that I'm comfortable in pursuit. An avoidant is comfortable being pursued. Because...

tend to be more of what feels to be needy, right? Secure, I'm okay. I'm okay by myself. Now, why do anxious and avoidance end up matching? Because the anxious feels comfortable in pursuit, right? That's our disposition. And I think I'm earning more of a secure. But my natural inclination is that I'm comfortable in pursuit. An avoidant is comfortable being pursued. Because...

You have an opportunity to connect, but then create the distance when you want to. So you end up seeing many anxious and avoidance come together. And it's important to recognize that. So you've already recognized this, which is half the battle is the awareness. Now you can begin to develop the tools to become more secure.

You have an opportunity to connect, but then create the distance when you want to. So you end up seeing many anxious and avoidance come together. And it's important to recognize that. So you've already recognized this, which is half the battle is the awareness. Now you can begin to develop the tools to become more secure.

That's difficult.

That's difficult.

That's the work.

That's the work.

It's difficult, isn't it? I think step one is obviously awareness. Because then you can start to sort of catch yourself out and see yourself when you're exhibiting certain behaviors and really start to question them. That's kind of what I do now as an avoidant.

It's difficult, isn't it? I think step one is obviously awareness. Because then you can start to sort of catch yourself out and see yourself when you're exhibiting certain behaviors and really start to question them. That's kind of what I do now as an avoidant.

When my partner's like looking for attention and looking for, you know, making those bids for attention as they call them, I observe what they're doing. I observe how I feel about it. And I then rationalize it. above both of those observations in a different way. So I'll rationalize it as I love this person so much.

When my partner's like looking for attention and looking for, you know, making those bids for attention as they call them, I observe what they're doing. I observe how I feel about it. And I then rationalize it. above both of those observations in a different way. So I'll rationalize it as I love this person so much.

And if they need some attention right now, just play the game, Steve, just give them what they want. Whereas before I'd be like, Why are they annoying me? Do you know what I mean? Yes. But I have to do that every day. Like as many of these podcasts as I've done, as many times I've heard about attachment styles, it's still an ongoing battle. Yes.

And if they need some attention right now, just play the game, Steve, just give them what they want. Whereas before I'd be like, Why are they annoying me? Do you know what I mean? Yes. But I have to do that every day. Like as many of these podcasts as I've done, as many times I've heard about attachment styles, it's still an ongoing battle. Yes.