Paul C. Brunson

And even just the way we parse things, we do it in this confrontational way.

Like if I say to my partner, like I'm not satisfied with the frequency of our sex life, okay?

And I say to my partner, why don't we have sex like we used to?

Remember we used to keep our hands off each other and now we will have sex once every two weeks.

What is that going to instill in my partner?

But defensiveness.

Well, we know that you're always at work and then when you get home, you're tired and there's so many other things we have to talk.

Now we're just off to the races because we're defending our positions as opposed to saying, God, you know what I was thinking about today?

I was thinking about, remember when we went, when we were first dating and we went on that little vacation, we didn't have any money and we rented that little, remember we like, we didn't leave the bedroom for like two days, you know, like that was so like, God, I, like, I, I couldn't, I guess I remember the scent of your skin.

Like it was so, and I have to tell you, like, I still, I still feel that way about you.

Like, I don't know.

I was at work the other day and I just, like, I was thinking about you and I was just like, you know,

Dude, now we're going somewhere.

Yeah, the delivery, yeah.

Now we're going, because I'm focusing on that positive piece, on the connection as opposed to the disconnection.

So this is where my human advice and my legal advice

are discordant.

So I wear two hats.

One of them is person who talks about how to stay married and how to not F up your marriage.

And the other is I'm a tactician whose job is to facilitate the demise of unhappy marriages.