Peter

Good. Great, Dave. Glad to talk to you.

Actually, when I sent you an email, I was talking about this woman that had a 401k with a million and a half in it. And she was living in New York City. And that was on her bucket list. And you suggested that maybe she should move back out of New York City. and uh, uh, you know, go there and visit.

But I'm thinking that if she was invested in the right stuff with her one and a half million and I'm big on dividend stocks, so my opinion is that she could invest all that money into dividend stocks and basically she could stay there making $20,000 a month with a million and a half dollars.

No, no, no, no.

Okay.

Meine Schwester ist gay.

Oh, you know where I was sitting? I thought those girls were Gavin's friends. I think he was just sitting with strangers.

Me and Troy looked at each other and I was like, we were like, why is he hanging out with... I think that was valid because I sat down thinking like, oh, Gavin's friends are here. Yeah. And then he left and I think I was just intruding on their table. So that's like probably my fault.

Oh, this is an Emily Binder dig for all the haters out there. What? What? She did something bad to me.

I got it. I got it, not you.

How do I spell that?

I met a guy in Maine that you would have, he was right up your alley, Will. Joe Bosco? Wir waren in einer Bar in Portland, die ich frequente. Und ich habe sie noch nie Karaoke gemacht, aber ich glaube, sie haben diese Nacht Karaoke gemacht. Und der DJ, wir sind an dieser Table gesessen.

I've never been a joint guy. I can take a couple puffs. Did I ever tell you my blunt story? My first blunt story? It sounds awesome. It was awesome. The first time I ever smoked weed was backwoods. Bought it from this guy. He gave it to me. I kept it in my math binder all day. Okay. And then we went out into the, me and my friend went out in the woods. We took the bus home.

Wir wollen gehen. Und dann nach der dritten, warst du so, ich mag diesen Mann. Es ist ein Konzert.

I was telling my lady's roommate about you. She was asking. The story I always tell about Will is that one of the speakeasy. That's my favorite Will story. The one that I met?

Cameron. They saw each other on Hinge, Will and this girl, and they were both each other's most compatible, and then they both clicked X.

compatible for each other yeah they both don't buy it they then they then meet each other out and will i don't want to i don't want to gas you up too much uh my lady was saying like will made a really good impression last night i was like yeah will i was like i've seen it happen a couple times where i think going into the night obviously they think you're a nice guy but like they probably aren't entirely sold just like

Wow.

I'm not sold on this real guy.

That's how young we were. Went out into the woods and smoked it. And I remember telling him like, I don't, I thought it was like an instant thing. Yeah. And so I was like, I don't feel anything. We shared this blunt together. And he was like, no, trust me. Like, it's going to be fine. I was like, no, I think we should, I think we should like spark up the second one.

Okay, because he was... I think you say, I'm sorry, I don't give my number to...

Was he ordering drinks on the plane?

Und als ich den zweiten trinkte, setzten sich die Effekte des ersten ein. Ich glaube, ich habe das schon gesagt. Es war eine 100-Jahre-Wohnung zurück zu meinem Haus. Es ist ein sehr aktives Gebäude, also die Chancen, dass du deinen Freundes Eltern auf einer Wohnung fliegen kannst, sind sehr hoch.

You know that Bruins bar at Logan? Like it's like Bruins themed?

Was noch? Warte, was habt ihr?

What's that mean? So like she kept spinning me or maybe I was spinning her. But like when you do that, she had vertigo. It untucks your shirt. Okay. And like that's not a great look. If you're like, if the rest of your outfit is a tuxedo, but like the shirt's untucked.

Nein, nein, nein. Aber wenn ich spinne, ist es untuckert, wie viele Beine zeigen. Und so musste ich in den Bathroom und retuckern. Und dann würde ich rauskommen und sie war wie, noch ein Tanz? Und ich wäre so, ja, lass uns da rein.

Ich habe gehört, sie war Teil der Walgreens-Familie, aber ich weiß nicht, ob das wahr ist.

I'm spoken for. That was a test. It was media training. I did not get her number, but I was on better behavior this year. I think I redeemed myself a little bit.

Yeah, they do that.

Okay. And the house is very open.

It was Harper's parents house. Got it.

Und das ganze, was passiert ist, ist entweder Schmerz oder Schmerz von der schmerzhaften Person ist noch auf ihren Händen. Und dann haben sie etwas getäuscht und dann hast du deine Mund getäuscht.

Like a dog.

You walk in and your dog is just going to town on their own crotch. Yeah. We had a dog that would hump everyone, but she was a girl.

Wie sprechen sie mit Päckchen? Hatten sie das Päckchen getötet? Was haben wir gemacht? Wir formulierten einen langweiligen Plan. Bevor wir das gemacht haben, war sie da. Ich erinnere mich daran, dass wir es geschafft haben.

Oh, Rose Bowl was sick. That's why you were, that makes so much, okay, I get it.

I was like... The Barretts are the last people you want to be around when their team isn't winning.

I was there when the Yankees weren't winning one time and it was like... I wanted to go home.

War da irgendein Dirt? Du weißt ja, wenn sie auf Baseballspielen spielen, ist ein Teil des Fields Dirt. Aber es sah nicht so aus, als ob es Dirt gab. Wie haben sie das gemacht?

I don't know.

Wir haben einen 4-Star-Rekrut von Alabama, also werden wir dich schießen. Ich habe einen Weg gefunden, Hangovers zu schießen in den letzten Jahren. Wir nennen es das Körper von Greist. Wir waren aus Pickles, aber all die Früchte waren noch da. Jetzt, als ich diese Geschichten erzähle, beginne ich zu erinnern, wie jeder den Norovirus bekommen hat.

Passing the jar of pickles around and drinking the pickle juice and going the body of Christ. And then we all woke up and felt awesome. Wait, what's the Christ? I will admit we had taken an edible as well. And so at the time it was very, very funny.

Is that a word? I think you guys are... It's pointless for you to try and get to the bottom of it. It was funny in the moment. The body of Christ.

He was wearing a fun beanie.

And the look on his face was like... I was the first guy to ever do this. And it was the worst mistake anyone's ever made. He was like... Okay, ich muss mit einigen Leuten reden.

Aber dann, als ein Typ neben seinem Auto auf seinem Telefon stand, wie er seine schöne Zeit verbracht hat, hat niemand gedacht, okay, vielleicht lassen sie ihn nicht weg. Und so fangen Leute an zu hauen.

I'm sorry that that happened. Do you know who I miss seeing a little bit? I didn't like it in the moment, but I kind of miss seeing him now that we don't work there anymore. Little Dickie. We used to see him like every afternoon.

Er ist immer mit so einem... Ich gehe zu Greenleaf.

Ja, ich sah ihn immer bei Erewhon oder so. Aber er... Nein, es war diese eine Konstruktion oder so. Aber... Er war in der Konstruktion. Er war immer mit diesem riesigen Entourage. Und ich denke immer, es ist lustig, Hollywood-Männer zu sehen, die... Ich rolle nicht mit einer Crew. Ich muss mit einer Crew anfangen.

They all clearly do something for him. Yeah, like... What?

Schön. Schön. Und die Band rippt. Ja. Und ich bin so, oh, das ist alles, die Band ist krass gerade. Ich muss das schauen. Und ich schalte die Kante und Gavin singt die Hauptvokale für die Band. Er singt Sex on Fire.

Es ist einfach so, dass ich Leute brauche, bei denen es so aussieht, als ob es einen Assistenten gibt. Es sieht so aus, als ob es einen Bodyguard gibt.

Britain.

I will say you inviting me to play that reminds me of the fact that Will and I were in Maine at the same time and every time I asked Will to hang out, he didn't want to.

It was Boxing Day, which is the best day to watch Premier League Soccer. I go, hey, me and Lewis and Phil are at the Portland Zoo, if you want to come watch some footy.

Oh, dieser weiße Typ mit dem Podcast braucht nicht das Geld, weil seine Familie einen Kranberry-Bog kauft.

Our HR department told me to stop looking at Lauren's old ass.

That thing is tight.

My friend tried to call our... Peter tried to call Harper's brother a Nepo baby, but he didn't know the term. And he called him a Nego baby.

No.

But we were all making fun of him, because his brother immediately turned back around and was like, one, that's not the term, and two, you work for your dad.

I sent you guys this the other day, but I want to tell the Playmates, and I have updated it. A lot of people are doing New Year's resolutions this year. That's not what I'm doing. I'm doing New Year's roadmap. Okay.

No.

Kannst du mir etwas bauen? Ja, ein Dach. Ich werde einen 72-Hour-Fast machen. Ich werde mehr High Fives geben.

Uh, to push my body to its limits. Also apparently you lose like 15 pounds. So I could just get all of my dieting over in three days.

You want to come with me? Also, is that like the right term for it? That feels outdated. No, that's alright.

Can I come with you one time?

I'm going to grow a pirate mustache and goatee again. I thought that was very fun last year. I want to do it again. Cool. I'm going to go to Hawaii. I'm going to make the perfect burrito. Okay. And I actually have started, I've made some headway. You know, I've been talking about how the burritos here suck. Yeah. I've made some headway on it. I got a very interesting lead.

I tracked down a guy who knows Bruce's wife.

And then the person goes over and it's like, oh, it's just the room. Oh, you know what would be funny? You get a picture. In the painting, there's a person looking at the painting. So when they go to look, they're in the painting. There we go. And then the final one, I'm going to catch a fly with chopsticks. That one's impossible. Well, no, I'm going to rig it. Small room, big chopsticks.

My phone cannot stop.

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It grows from your face. We all grow it, we all shave it and we all style it differently. And we think that's pretty great. It makes us all more interesting. That's why in this club we make the razors and you make the rules. Stubbled, bearded, clean shaven or mountain man. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget. Whatever you shave, welcome to the club.

Whether you're going smooth shaven or maintaining a beard, Dollar Shave Club offers shave and grooming products that are always high quality but never overpriced. I, in my hand, have the Dollar Shave Club Double Header Electric Trimmer. I got my hands on this bad boy a couple weeks ago and let me tell you, daddy's feeling right. I'm trimming up my chest, I'm trimming up my boys.

I use the razor, just the regular razor on my face. Untertitelung aufgrund der Audioqualität nicht möglich. Roadmap, guys! We have a lovely episode for you guys today.

No, I know. But if you were listening to a podcast, wouldn't you want to know what was going to happen an hour and 20 minutes in?

We used to not do any banter. Yeah. Back when we were awkward.

Ja, das war es. Ich habe mich mit dem Thema nicht zu taggen gekämpft. But then I was like, it's weird if she's the only person I don't tag. And then she texted me and was like, she's like a hundred follow requests from like random people.

And then we were gonna do, teach me something. And then Lauren, you got a couple am I the assholes for us? Yep. Und dann haben Will und ich drei Drafts für dich heute. Ich glaube, der erste ist nicht wirklich ein Draft, weil wir alle zehn haben. Aber 2025, Inns und Out, wir werden dir sagen, was in, was out.

Und dann werden wir Bowl-Games machen, die nicht existieren, wie Fußball-Bowl-Games, die nicht existieren.

That's awesome.

That'd be fun.

Ein wirklich, wirklich... Wie ein hot guy. Okay, warte, Lauren. Set a calendar thing on your calendar for a year from today. Okay. And we're gonna play this clip and we're gonna predict... We're gonna predict how many listeners we're gonna have. Fifty... five. How many do we have now in episode? Like around 30,000.

Okay. I'm going to say if we aren't at 150,000, we have failed.

Honestly, I kind of like the Playmates now.

Even some people that get in our comments on Instagram, I'm like, you're not a Playmate.

No, uh... For the record, I'm not a transphobe. I know, I know, I know.

Because they're white.

Uh, no.

I do too.

We should go into the back end of YouTube and Spotify and rewrite the code so if there's ever an episode that gets too many views, it self-destructs and the podcast ends.

We call it Playwright.

Hawk. Hawk 2. Summer's Night.

Christ school.

In high school, I was just like bonging beers and like fucking slapping ass, grabbing ass. Okay, don't get me wrong. I was grabbing ass. You slowly realize I went to college with dogs. Smelling ass. Playing with toys. Fetch. Chewing on it.

How to find a lady? Dating? Pros of dating.

Maybe that's just your thing. That's my thing, I don't date anyone.

Yeah, Lauren, we said we want to hear about the relationship, not the bedroom. We don't want to hear about you chewing his beef.

Sie denkt, es ist bizarr, dass sie Will nicht kennengelernt hat. Das ist bizarr. Ja, ich weiß nicht.

I do too, but I will say I love watching sports and having a beer with you at a bar.

I know, but if it's just you and I... And I'm the only one having beers and you're not. Yeah, I mean. Also we can never have those giggly hangovers anymore if you're not. Those ones are fun.

Because the problem with me is when I just do like edibles during the week, I get all of the negatives of drinking through snacks. Like the caloric? I can deal with the hangovers. I don't care about anything. The only thing that my drinking makes me mad is that I gain weight.

I wouldn't have gone, but I would have liked to have had the option.

Ich habe ihn außerhalb des Offices mitgehalten.

Ich will kommen. Jerry ist noch da.

Oh, und Dylan Walker.

Das ist, wo ich die fucking Linie ziehe. Er kommt noch in meinen Bowling-Tournament, aber der Rest... Er ist zu cool.

Du hattest meine... Oh, wir haben es. Du hattest meinen liebsten fucking Trink. Du hattest einen fucking Darts-Tournament ohne mich. Ich habe verloren. Dylan Walker ist so fucking cool.

No, I saw it on your fucking story. Kann ich es sehen?

Ja, Lauren drückte auf TikTok und sagte, mein Freund hat mir die süßeste Kamera. Ja, wir haben den perfekten Partner.

It's like a 24-hour 7-Eleven. That shit don't close. Let's anyone with a nickel in. We're not going to be here until...

Rory Williams.

Crackle, Pop.

Having to pee. Cutting the hole in the bottom of the popcorn before Will sees. Will got it. What is it? Having to pee? Yeah, always have to pee.

I'm a Mount Fuji guy. I think I said this when I was a kid.

What is the worst part about pulling out onto a road? Alright, get your mind off it.

Meine Sicherheitsfirma hat Will angerufen, um zu beachten, dass er nicht auch verletzt wurde. Ich werde für 100.000 Dollar verurteilt. Aber sie bezahlen es. She was 95% at fault. So if it's $100,000, I only have to pay $5,000, which I'm covered up to $10,000. But that is so funny that the third party that she hired came back and was like, no, you were 95% at fault.

I think we give some buffer.

Nice.

Meiner ist zu lang.

Ja. Schau auf Horse Backwards. That is fun. That is fun. Put a picture... Put a picture of... Put a picture of me, but it kind of doesn't look like me. Put a picture of... Put a picture of shoes that are way too big. What's our next segment? Am I the asshole?

I think we can all agree that the country scene has kind of been in shambles. We need a new country star to kind of save the genre.

It completed the update?

I know you're wrong. I will show you. I'm sorry. You want to bet $5?

And then we would pick at that scab in our posts, whatever.

Wait, but the Goodfellas is the 70s. Okay, then it

Is that like the endless lunch bowl? How are you still eating this?

Made like a thousand bucks.

I would Photoshop things and make these giant posters and we'd hold them up against the glass. And... But I remember one time we had a flag and someone was holding it against the boards kind of as like a curtain. And for them to get to the bathroom, they had to walk through our student section, which was horrible planning.

Nein, mach das nicht. Lauren, wenn ich Adderall holen würde, würde ich so aussehen wie du.

Ich will das Baby nicht benutzen. Das Baby wird nicht geboren und gesagt werden, dass jemand hier ist. Das ist Familie, Mann. Warum hat jemand in meinem Stapel geblieben?

Ich dachte, du hättest Schnauze auf deinem Gesicht.

Okay. And I just remember him coming under the thing, and we ended up on the ground. No punches were landed, but it was just, like... You were, like, humping each other?

Not everyone's boyfriend is a killer hot body guy. Not everyone has abs I could wash my clothes on. He doesn't have washboard abs. I've literally seen him. I've seen pictures of him.

Yeah, probably. Notice what? I want a partner that is a really good cook, but I would like to reciprocate also.

In my house, my dad was in charge of breakfast and my mom was in charge of dinner. I thought that was a dad thing. Meat, egg.

Nice. I need to bring those back.

Also, Ladies, comment your favorite perfume.

Ja, ja, ja.