Peter Bregman

You just have to help them through a process where a different mind is thinking about their problem with them and helps them to see things they can't see otherwise.

You just have to help them through a process where a different mind is thinking about their problem with them and helps them to see things they can't see otherwise.

You just have to help them through a process where a different mind is thinking about their problem with them and helps them to see things they can't see otherwise.

A hundred percent. And that's true for me. I've honed this process over 30 years of doing this, and I still need someone to think through the problems with me. I can't think, even though I know the process better than anybody, I still need someone to help me through it.

A hundred percent. And that's true for me. I've honed this process over 30 years of doing this, and I still need someone to think through the problems with me. I can't think, even though I know the process better than anybody, I still need someone to help me through it.

A hundred percent. And that's true for me. I've honed this process over 30 years of doing this, and I still need someone to think through the problems with me. I can't think, even though I know the process better than anybody, I still need someone to help me through it.

So the most important step, the sort of turning the light on step is that first step of shifting from a critic to an ally. So when you really shift from this sense of, I care about you and I care about this and I'm not coming at this from anger or frustration, but I'm coming at this as someone who wants to help if it's helpful to you. If it's not helpful to you, it's not a problem either.

So the most important step, the sort of turning the light on step is that first step of shifting from a critic to an ally. So when you really shift from this sense of, I care about you and I care about this and I'm not coming at this from anger or frustration, but I'm coming at this as someone who wants to help if it's helpful to you. If it's not helpful to you, it's not a problem either.

So the most important step, the sort of turning the light on step is that first step of shifting from a critic to an ally. So when you really shift from this sense of, I care about you and I care about this and I'm not coming at this from anger or frustration, but I'm coming at this as someone who wants to help if it's helpful to you. If it's not helpful to you, it's not a problem either.

that that approach as a as an ally versus a critic is the thing that switches you know kind of switches the light to say yeah i would i i have the control and i'd be willing to talk about it it certainly puts your defenses down i guess because if if you know if somebody comes to you as a critic you get defensive and you know off we go but this way there's nothing to be defensive over Yeah.

that that approach as a as an ally versus a critic is the thing that switches you know kind of switches the light to say yeah i would i i have the control and i'd be willing to talk about it it certainly puts your defenses down i guess because if if you know if somebody comes to you as a critic you get defensive and you know off we go but this way there's nothing to be defensive over Yeah.

that that approach as a as an ally versus a critic is the thing that switches you know kind of switches the light to say yeah i would i i have the control and i'd be willing to talk about it it certainly puts your defenses down i guess because if if you know if somebody comes to you as a critic you get defensive and you know off we go but this way there's nothing to be defensive over Yeah.

And if they say no, they don't want to talk about it with you. Your acceptance of that no reinforces that they have the control. And what they realize, what they know, and what often happens is they will then come back to you, like I described with my daughter, because you're not threatening to them anymore. Like something has changed and they know, well, you know what?

And if they say no, they don't want to talk about it with you. Your acceptance of that no reinforces that they have the control. And what they realize, what they know, and what often happens is they will then come back to you, like I described with my daughter, because you're not threatening to them anymore. Like something has changed and they know, well, you know what?

And if they say no, they don't want to talk about it with you. Your acceptance of that no reinforces that they have the control. And what they realize, what they know, and what often happens is they will then come back to you, like I described with my daughter, because you're not threatening to them anymore. Like something has changed and they know, well, you know what?

I really do want to get better at this. And actually, here's someone who is willing to talk to me about it. They're probably my best bet. And I didn't feel judged by them.

I really do want to get better at this. And actually, here's someone who is willing to talk to me about it. They're probably my best bet. And I didn't feel judged by them.

I really do want to get better at this. And actually, here's someone who is willing to talk to me about it. They're probably my best bet. And I didn't feel judged by them.

100%, 100%. It is very, very tempting. You really have to keep reminding yourself, I'm here in support of them. It's not about me. I'm here in support of them. And yeah, that's really critical.

100%, 100%. It is very, very tempting. You really have to keep reminding yourself, I'm here in support of them. It's not about me. I'm here in support of them. And yeah, that's really critical.