Peter Sagal

King cobra snakes are spreading really efficiently throughout India and researchers have finally figured out why.

There are mother-effing snakes on these mother-effing trains.

know that the snakes typically prefer forested areas in the inland of the country, but they've been found making homes in a handful of unexpected and far-flung places.

And it turns out they all line up to nearby railway lines, right?

So they think the snakes are taking the trains.

I mean, maybe they're doing it to be sneaky.

Maybe they just look up and see this long thing moving around the ground, and they go, Daddy!

This explains why I saw a suspiciously skinny man in an overcoat ordering a frozen raft in the cafe car.

Here is your last limerick.

We belugas aren't sexual clingers.

For those keys in a bowl, we are ringers.

On most of our dates, we are swapping our mates.

Yes, beluga whale pods are all...

Swingers.

Swingers, yes.

Scientists have determined that beluga whales are swingers, repeatedly switching mating partners from year to year.

The findings were reported in the New England Journal of Ocean Perverts.

I knew.

I could tell.

I could tell.