Phil Barden
Appearances
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
You don't just act one time and think, okay, now I'm bold. I wasn't born this way, but I did notice when I actually got certain wins. It wasn't because I was the smartest or the prettiest. It was because I actually just asked the question.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Thank you for having me. This is exciting.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Absolutely. And there lies the problem, right? Because we are scared of failure and we have so much self-doubt. It's human nature, right? It's human nature to have these feelings, but it's about acting even when, even when you feel that way. Because the truth of the matter is something in motion stays in motion. Something stagnant stays stagnant.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
That's why there's also that saying, when you're busy, when you want something done, give it to a busy person because inertia happens, momentum. So even if you have that self-doubt, even if you fear that failure, still... act. Because you can't just go from A to Z and just be like, well, just be bold. It doesn't work that way.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
But if you get good at asking for the little things in life, you can get better at asking for the big things in life. So you start with these small, little, bold moves that accumulate and compound over time. And I also believe that you need to become immune to to failure. And the only way to get desensitized and immune to failure and rejection is by doing something over and over again.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And that's why I have the 10% target. And the 10% target is based around making 10 attempts at anything you want most in life. And even if you don't get to that goal, even if you don't get to that goal, another opportunity will present itself that you didn't even know existed by just going through the process.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
So let's say you love sports and you want to work for a sports team. Then start working with that realm and make 10 attempts. Look at the people that are in your life. See who in your life is working for a sports team. Or email someone. Go on LinkedIn and see who's... the manager or the director of a certain division, right? But make these 10 attempts.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
So put the onus and ownership of your life in your hands and have some control over your destiny. And so this is what the message that I'm trying to really kind of get out to people is that you have to take agency and you can self-actualize and be whatever you really want to be, but you need to make that first step. And the first step is always the hardest.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
But if you stay on path and put yourself in that situation to win, you'll be so surprised of what happens. Because the reality is most people don't even make one attempt. Almost nobody makes two attempts. So if you're somebody who makes 10 attempts just on pure volume or just on pure just numbers, you're going to have a shot. And you have to have that idea in your head that why not me? Why not me?
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
If it can happen to that person, why can't it happen to me?
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And that's true. A lot of people do feel that way. They feel that you need to be born bold. And if you're not born bold, then, you know, I'm out of luck. And the reality is that we can actually become more bold because boldness is a skill like anything else.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
That's true. That happens all the time. And that's why a lot of times naivety is a strength, right? Because the less we know, the more bold that we can be. Because remember when you were a kid, you didn't know any better. So you just did, you acted, you moved, you did things. And then, you know, you kind of learn from things that happened to you, correct? Yeah.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
and then what happens as we get older we get much more timid in attempting or making that bold move because we have too much experience we're too seasoned so if we can go back to that idea and that ideology of naivete when you actually did a lot of things when you didn't know better that's that's when things actually happen right
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
That's a good question. And the truth is you said the word right there in the question, which was risk. There's a difference between being bold and taking a risk. Bold and risk are different.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
When I think about boldness, I think about it being a calculated risk, like knowing, doing something that's safe, that you know that you're, that I'm not telling, my message in being bold is not, if you have a family of four, don't quit your job and just go for the gusto like that. I'm saying be calculated in what your attempt is.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And that to me is the main distinction between just being risky for the sake of risky and being bold for the life that you want. Because it's a lot of times, it doesn't even have to be these big, vast things that you're being bold for. It could be small things also, right?
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The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
It could be things like maybe calling your credit card company or your self-service provider and seeing if there's a better deal on the table than what you're doing. It's about going to a restaurant and maybe sometimes asking for the sauce on the side. It's about asking for what you want in lots of different scenarios and a lot of different areas, right?
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
It's not about just taking these big, bold risks that are dangerous. It's about just tailoring your life in a way that you're taking the onus and ownership on what you are given versus just having and taking what's good enough.
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The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
That's very true. You're right. And so there's a connotation a lot of times with boldness that it can be aggressive or too assertive. But in life, it's not so much what you say, it's how you say it. You can be bold, but also be kind and nice and respectful, right? And so there's that element that it's extremely important.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
You could ask for whatever it is you want in life if you do it in a nice way. And the truth of the matter is people don't balk at that. People balk when you're rude and dismissive and disrespectful. And so I think there's a lot of distinction and ways that you could be bold in a very positive, kind, nice way. And so I talk about self-agency, right?
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Like if you believe you can, you can, and you will. If you believe you can't, you won't, and therefore you will not. So it's literally about, number one... changing these negative ideologies in our heads and reframing the way we see things. It's about thinking what is the worst that can happen?
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Like even just that one sentence or that one reframe of, well, I'm not gonna be any worse off today than I was yesterday if it doesn't go my way. So what's the worst that can happen? And if you have that type of affirmation, right? Then you act in such, right?
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Boldness is a muscle, right? Like if you want to be strong, you don't go to the gym once and think you're going to be strong and fit, right? You have to go consistently over and over and over again. And then eventually you get to be stronger and stronger. And then you need to maintain that strength. It's the same thing with being bold. You don't just act one time and think, okay, now I'm bold.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
You have to be consistent with the skill and practice of it by doing these little things over and over again to strengthen your boldness muscle and to be intelligent. and to become something. You've got to change the neuroplasticity of how you see yourself. And the only way to do that is to act and to do and to practice consistently. I'm somebody that... I wasn't born this way, but I did notice...
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
when things were working out for myself and when I actually got certain wins, it was because I had the courage to ask for something and go after something and create these opportunities. And it wasn't because I was the smartest or the prettiest or the most athletic. It was because I actually just asked the question. And I think we get in our own way the most, right? We are our own worst enemies.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And we don't even allow ourselves to, like I said, self-actualize to where we want to be and can be. And the truth of the matter is what's worse, rejection or regret? To me... Regret is way worse than rejection. You get over rejection, right? Like it may hurt and you may have to lick your wounds for a few hours or a day or two. But the what ifs are much, much worse.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And those live with you over and over and over again in your mind.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Forever. Exactly. And it's happened to me. Even me being bold now, I mean, I've had a lot of things happen where I thought, yeah, now I practice. I'm bold. I wrote a book on bold. And I still sometimes have self-doubt and don't do something that I think and know I should because I get scared. of the same thing that I'm saying. But because of that not doing, that regret, I remember that feeling.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And so when you remember that feeling of regret or what if, that's a great motivator to not do it another time.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
I agree with you. They're all basically sisters and brothers to each other, right? And confidence is the best way to gain confidence is through recognizing your other accomplishments that you've had and really, really kind of recognizing them and celebrating them, right? The best way...
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The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
In my opinion, people ask me all the time about confidence, like, well, how do you even get the confidence to do this? Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, right? And there has to have been some small wins in your life at some point, no matter how small they were, but recognizing those and holding on to those. And the other thing is you can count yourself. You have to count yourself.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Even if you kind of take a breath and say, OK, three, two, one, let's go. You know, even if it's being brave for 20 seconds, we can all do something for 20 seconds. You can do all these little things to kind of give you that like burst of confidence just to kind of get get through the door. Right. And over time, like I said, you're you're. your neuroplasticity starts to change.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And the reality is being courageous, being confident, the way people get that is by acting. is by doing and then seeing yourself doing those things and noticing these little wins and recognizing these little wins and doing these little brain tricks, like saying, okay, I'm not confident, but you know what? I can do this for 20 seconds. I can make this call or I can say this one thing.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And it's going to be 20 seconds. What's the worst that can happen in those 20 seconds? I don't get it? Okay. And there's ways to psych yourself up into that until that actually becomes your new normal.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
1,000%. 1,000%. We all have those people in our lives. We all have those people in the life. On my podcast, Habits and Hustle, all I do all day is talk to the most extraordinarily successful people on the planet, the biggest disruptors in the world. And the one thing, the one through line with all of these people that I've interviewed is boldness. It's not that they were the smartest.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
They weren't the smartest. In fact, a lot of them flunked out of college and some of them out of high school. They weren't exceptional in anything. But what they had was perseverance, persistence, tenacity, and boldness. And that is why this is not just me like riffing off, you know, or talking from a white to ivory tower. This is honestly not just this is experience people I've seen.
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The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
This is backed research. It is all of those things. And I got a job with the Toronto Raptors, which is the Toronto NBA team, when I was 20 years old. I was in a sales position where I had no prior sales experience. It was right after college. It was the most coveted job. Everyone wanted it. Everybody there were sports fanatics, sports fans, big basketball fans.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And I got the job because I was successful. I was so persistent and I asked for it over and over again that eventually they're like, you know what? This girl, let's give her a shot. I ended up being a really good salesperson, you know, shockingly enough. But the point is, it's like that is what happens. And by the way, just to kind of close the loop on that story, my boss was a total nitwit.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
He didn't belong in that position, but he was so bold that he got the job. And he, by the way, he kept it. Because sometimes that is what it is. And I feel that if people really, really took that to heart, it would really propel them to at least give themselves a shot. The hardest part, the stop is in the start a lot of times. So you just have to act.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Also, wasted potential. At the end of your life, that's the worst feeling, right? That you had all this potential and you had all this possibility and you didn't do anything with it or you didn't try. to do anything with it, right? You had this potential in you to at least, like everyone can ask a question, everyone can try, right?
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
It doesn't take talent to do those things, but you can always try and put yourself in a position to win, but you have to create and make those opportunities. You gotta put yourself in a place that that can actually potentially happen. And another sister, we talked about confidence and we talked about courage, but we didn't talk about curiosity.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And curiosity to me is the other brother and sister, right? Because if you are curious, that's where you can really find a lot. That to me is a gateway to connection and communication and where you find a lot of things, a lot of information that you don't know.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
And if you can harness and ask questions in a very authentic way, be curious in an authentic way, that in itself opens up the gateway for so many opportunities to be bold in.
Something You Should Know
The Science Behind Why We Buy & How to Make Bold Choices - SYSK Choice
Thanks, Mike. This has been so fun. Thanks for having me on your podcast.