Phil Holloway

Even at the height of Black Lives Matter, people were like, I don't know if we're buying this whole racism story, you know, with Oprah.

So every hand she tried to play failed miserably.

She should have just stuck it out and been a royal and she would be revered around the world.

They'd have to license it to put her on the cover.

No, you know what's going to happen with these royal kids, okay?

They're going to grow up.

I'm sure they have like privacy controls and adult filters on the kids, you know, phones and computers.

Someday, these kids, Archie and Lilibet, if they exist, they're going to go to a friend's house and they're going to Google their parents and they're going to realize...

We could have been royalty this whole time.

We could have been living in a palace and we're stuck in this kind of compound in Montecito with this crazy woman and her scrawny legs and her jams on the stove.

I would be so pissed.

Okay, if I turned 18, this is like Princess Diaries.

If I turned 18 and I found out I could have been royalty the whole time and I was stuck in California with the Kardashians, I would be so upset.

And I actually hear that there are some titles available if they would like to adopt me.

The Duke of York title seems like it's available.

I am ready to be royal.

Megan, I love you and I'm so grateful for you.

But if the royal family welcomes me in, y'all will never hear from me again.

I will be over there having high tea and crumpets and scones and writing in characters.

Yes, I'll do the exclusive.