Professor Steve Peters

I'm saying you should be getting the chimp so it feels good. And then hopefully she'll say, wow, I love you too and I appreciate that. And then that's nicely rounded up. But you do get circumstances where I'll work with people and say, I tidied the flat, I did everything, and she doesn't even recognise it. I cancelled stuff for my diary, she didn't recognise it.

I'm saying you should be getting the chimp so it feels good. And then hopefully she'll say, wow, I love you too and I appreciate that. And then that's nicely rounded up. But you do get circumstances where I'll work with people and say, I tidied the flat, I did everything, and she doesn't even recognise it. I cancelled stuff for my diary, she didn't recognise it.

And I think, well, you know, I'm not saying I'm a goody-goody, but I'm saying let them know because your chimp's saying, please make sure they know. And they've recognised it. And again, I don't know, there may be couples where they say, if I say that, she'll lose it. So I say, well, don't do it then. Tell me and I as a therapist will say to you, well done. And that might be enough for your chimp.

And I think, well, you know, I'm not saying I'm a goody-goody, but I'm saying let them know because your chimp's saying, please make sure they know. And they've recognised it. And again, I don't know, there may be couples where they say, if I say that, she'll lose it. So I say, well, don't do it then. Tell me and I as a therapist will say to you, well done. And that might be enough for your chimp.

So again, it's that thing which I keep saying to you, Steve, I've got to work with the person in front of me and even potentially their partner or family and say, well, what would they do before we make a plan?

So again, it's that thing which I keep saying to you, Steve, I've got to work with the person in front of me and even potentially their partner or family and say, well, what would they do before we make a plan?

Yeah, one of the points. The other two, for people to shift, they've got to have psychological mindedness, which means they've got to understand that it's not about what happens to us in life, it's how we deal with it. That's basically what we mean.

Yeah, one of the points. The other two, for people to shift, they've got to have psychological mindedness, which means they've got to understand that it's not about what happens to us in life, it's how we deal with it. That's basically what we mean.

So we understand that just because you've got certain emotions doesn't mean you can't change them and things have to change or people have to change for you to change. It's within your power. to be responsible for the things you believe and change. So psychological mindedness means you get up and start working on this. It's within your power to shift things. That's that personal responsibility.

So we understand that just because you've got certain emotions doesn't mean you can't change them and things have to change or people have to change for you to change. It's within your power. to be responsible for the things you believe and change. So psychological mindedness means you get up and start working on this. It's within your power to shift things. That's that personal responsibility.

Yes. And also if you can't shift them, you know, like say go back, let's say life hadn't been great for you. And I'm sure you worked hard to get where you've got. But let's say you still were in that poverty situation. You thought, I didn't have the skill to do what I'm doing. I didn't use that skill because it was never there.

Yes. And also if you can't shift them, you know, like say go back, let's say life hadn't been great for you. And I'm sure you worked hard to get where you've got. But let's say you still were in that poverty situation. You thought, I didn't have the skill to do what I'm doing. I didn't use that skill because it was never there.

So a lot of people are trapped and they say, well, I'm still living in a pretty bad place and I'm struggling financially. And that's a lot of people. It's painful. But again, psychological mindedness, tough as it is, is to say, well, let me deal with that. I can't change it, but I can change my approach to it. And that's not easy. I'm not saying that's easy.

So a lot of people are trapped and they say, well, I'm still living in a pretty bad place and I'm struggling financially. And that's a lot of people. It's painful. But again, psychological mindedness, tough as it is, is to say, well, let me deal with that. I can't change it, but I can change my approach to it. And that's not easy. I'm not saying that's easy.

And then you have to work at how do you do that, and it'll be different for different people. So psychological mindedness means take responsibility, accept what's in front of you, and then move forward.

And then you have to work at how do you do that, and it'll be different for different people. So psychological mindedness means take responsibility, accept what's in front of you, and then move forward.

um so other than that what you do non-psychological mind is where you blame everybody else or blame circumstances or say this happened to me in childhood or these may all be genuine but they're not actually helpful disempowering right yeah yeah you're using them as an excuse not to take responsibility and turn them over and whatever it's like giving your power to something else right yes

um so other than that what you do non-psychological mind is where you blame everybody else or blame circumstances or say this happened to me in childhood or these may all be genuine but they're not actually helpful disempowering right yeah yeah you're using them as an excuse not to take responsibility and turn them over and whatever it's like giving your power to something else right yes

And you've got to get the power back and say it's within my power. Why do people like doing that? Why do people like making excuses? Including me, I have to say. Again, it's really difficult to say. I mean, a lot of people, when they're in not a great place, find it very easy to be the victim. They don't want to be a victim, but they find it easy. So they'll use an illness.

And you've got to get the power back and say it's within my power. Why do people like doing that? Why do people like making excuses? Including me, I have to say. Again, it's really difficult to say. I mean, a lot of people, when they're in not a great place, find it very easy to be the victim. They don't want to be a victim, but they find it easy. So they'll use an illness.