Quinlan Walther

But even more so than the defense mechanisms or coping mechanisms that you have to try and meet that need, because we all have them.

So if we're talking about self-actualization, which we kind of are in that whole thing, you have to start at the bottom, which is safety and belonging.

I think it's, I would start with the question of who do you have to be

To be loved.

That's a pretty good place to start because ideally the answer is, well, myself.

And it feels quite easy to say that.

Like, well, it's just, you know, I'm me and my mom loves me because of this.

My best friends love me because I'm just myself.

Yeah, I don't feel like I have to be all that much.

Versus if that question causes you to really tense and you're thinking, oh my God, well, I have to be the guy with this job title because status.

I have to be the guy with this much money because power and importance.

I have to be the guy that never shows his emotions.

I'm supposed to be strong and sturdy and everyone realizes that there's a problem there.

There's a problem there because you belong just for existing.

I think it's Brene Brown that says the opposite of belonging is fitting in.

Maybe.

So to that, the opposite of belonging, the opposite of safety is fitting in.

Because you have to be someone that you fundamentally aren't.

Performing.

Yeah.