Quinlan Walther

I'm going to throw away a perfectly fine relationship because I'm so caught up in myself and my own values that I'm judging someone else based on something that is a me problem.

I think we end a lot of good relationships.

potentially great relationships for that reason.

People who have a strong sense of self are attractive, period.

Esther Perel talks a lot about this, where typically we find our partners most attractive when they're in their element, when they're self-sufficient, when there's a level of mastery or agency at play.

We find people most attractive when they are doing their own thing.

Avoidant people just tend to have that on the surface more readily available to be seen and admired.

They have their lives, their jobs, maybe some friends, their hobbies.

There's more going on.

They're not so obsessed with the validation of everyone else around them, right?

Avoidant people just tend to show their more avoidant tendencies, or I'm sorry, anxious people tend to show their more anxious tendencies kind of right off the bat because you can sense it.

So on the surface, yes.

I think the answer to your question is yes.

Avoidance just seemed to have more of that independent sense of self, firm sense of self right off the bat.

I think it depends on what you value.

And a lot of that

Often comes with age.

I won't say always.

But you get to a certain point where that roller coaster is unattractive.

You get through those first inconsistent exchanges.