Quinlan Walther

You're speaking to the uncertainty that I was mentioning earlier, where it seems like most of the issues come down to uncertainty, or what would happen if I didn't repeat that pattern?

What would happen if I sought out love that wasn't similar to what I've always known love to be?

Yeah.

That's somehow scarier to our brains, whether it's conscious or unconscious, often unconscious.

That's somehow scarier than the shitty, often destructive relationships that this familiar love brings.

But there's certainty in it.

So if I can rely on the certainty, at least I know, at least I can choose the devil that I know rather than the potential devil or the potential heaven that I don't know.

But I think the only way that we get around that is by being intentional, by trusting ourselves to go figure out what we really want and lean in to the uncertainty and the lack of familiarity.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, the funny thing about it is you're just talking about a bunch of bodily sensations.

They're affective feelings.

And so it's kind of funny because you asked that and my first thought is, well, it doesn't have to be anxiety and it doesn't have to be, it could be simply excitement versus to other people, it's the red flag.

So it's really just your understanding of those bodily sensations.

So if you're talking to someone who grew up with really steady caregivers, really attuned caregivers, pretty much everything you just said, if you're looking at that person and their association with love is going to be calm and steady and consistent versus someone else who's really used to inconsistent caregivers, not feeling like a priority, love being hot and cold or hurtful, then that sense of adrenaline is

That kicks in when you meet someone who mimics the same.

You're going to say, oh, that's love.

That's love.

Because I'm so used to these highs and these lows.

And so the adrenaline in the body is essentially either a red flag or you've learned that that sensation is love.

I would love to see how long it would take to...