Raanan Hershberg

So unless there's like a problem, I don't know. When I got off of it, it was like a nightmare, that anxiety I had. It was like truly like... Especially having panic attacks on stage. Jesus. It's so shitty because we all get anxiety, but usually I'd come to believe that anxiety leaves you once you get on stage. Like it's a comfort zone. Right. And I had lost that for a long time.

I had panic all throughout a set. Jesus.

I try to meditate. Did that do anything? It helps a little. Honestly, the thing that helped the most was panic attacks on stage was just continuing to have them to the point where you notice it doesn't destroy the world. Right. Because I would actually still do okay on stage. Actually, people wouldn't really notice. Like, I'd go off after, like, that was horrible.

And they're like, I didn't even notice, you know? Which makes you feel more alone, by the way. The fact that you can have this hell in your head and no one notices. And when you were doing this, were there some times you didn't have the hell in your head? Or did it happen every time? I think it happened for those three months almost every time. I mean, sometimes maybe not.

Or if I was doing a long set, like an hour, maybe it would go away after a while. But I honestly think just having them and then realizing it's not a big deal, that you can still do the show, that made it go away. Because I think the worst thing you can do with anxiety is run away from it.

If you're anxious when you go outside, the worst thing you can do is just not go outside because then it like builds. So having, if anyone has panic attacks on stage, just continuing to have them and letting your brain know that it's not a big deal, that it's not going to destroy you, then it starts to go away. Wow. So now I'm back to not really having them on stage. But yeah, it was tough.

Like getting off medication was like a hard show. I mean, I kind of wish I was never on it to begin with, you know.

I think it was more like – I mean, it's all a mystery, I guess, why exactly, but I think it was more like all this anxiety. It was this giant wave of anxiety that I just happened to have in my life. I had just come out with a special, and I was feeling this like, I had this urge to just create more stuff.

You know that feeling you have where you just want to get out as much stuff because you're afraid you're gonna die? I had that urge kind of big. I was like, I gotta do the next thing, the next thing. And then actually the way it started, I was at my brother's place and I looked in the mirror and I saw these moles on my back. And I was just convinced they were skin cancer. That's how it began.

And not like – I always had hypochondria, but this was different. This was like I knew I was going to die. And then I went to the doctor and they were like, it doesn't look like skin cancer. And then the next day I stood up and it was dizzy. It was dizzy for like three months straight. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I think it was –

A wave of anxiety just where I was in my life, but for the first time in 10 years, I didn't have something to mask it, which I think made it more intense. You know what I mean?

About like four months, and then I slowly got on Prozac. Maybe a little more, five months.

Yeah, it was awful. And it was just like, yeah, it was awful. So did you have that level of anxiety when you were younger? No. When I was really young, I would have these really bad screaming fits. Like when I was like eight or nine, I would just suddenly have these moments where I was like, I don't know, this moment of just feeling hopeless or something. I just started yelling.

And my parents never knew what it was. I actually would cut myself a couple times like on the leg just to like distract it. Oh, wow. And I had those. And I didn't know what it was. And then in college, I also started doing cocaine, which didn't help. And then I had some like really bad... kind of anxiety in college. And that's when I went on Paxil originally, you know. Yeah.

But no, I've always had like really bad anxiety. Damn. Do you have anxiety? No. No. That is so funny after this long thing. Do you have anxiety?

All the horrors of everything.

While we're just having culture war arguments.

Right. It's crazy. The world is just functioning off of just this. No one's really running the ship. It's just a collective thing of functioning.

And we take it so much for granted.

We know where the water is. It's like we've ignored the fact that nature can be a threat.