Rachelle Hampton

Morgan starts laughing so loudly that everyone at the party who had been pretending not to watch this scene turns around and fully stops pretending to not watch this scene. And through laughter, Morgan's like, Kobe, you're an idiot. And Kobe's like, and you're a thief. That's my couch. Morgan's like, I've had this love seat since I was a child. You can check the bottom of the cushion.

It says property of Morgan in my childhood handwriting. And so Kobe checks the bottom of the cushion and he's like, you planted that. You knew I was coming.

It says property of Morgan in my childhood handwriting. And so Kobe checks the bottom of the cushion and he's like, you planted that. You knew I was coming.

And at this point, Morgan's head is just like starting to hurt from holding in her laughter as she just watches Kobe like pull the love seat away from the wall, like just inspect every single element of this love seat to ascertain his ownership of it. And meanwhile, all of her friends have piled onto the actual couch in the living room so that Kobe can see as little of it as possible.

And at this point, Morgan's head is just like starting to hurt from holding in her laughter as she just watches Kobe like pull the love seat away from the wall, like just inspect every single element of this love seat to ascertain his ownership of it. And meanwhile, all of her friends have piled onto the actual couch in the living room so that Kobe can see as little of it as possible.

Robbie is hiding in a corner somewhere so that his face won't give it away. What do you do now? This man is adamant that this loveseat is his.

Robbie is hiding in a corner somewhere so that his face won't give it away. What do you do now? This man is adamant that this loveseat is his.

Morgan is waiting for Kobe's attention to finally turn towards the couch that she actually did steal. But it never does because Kobe is like dead set to write that this loveseat is the missing couch in question. So much so that he refuses to leave.

Morgan is waiting for Kobe's attention to finally turn towards the couch that she actually did steal. But it never does because Kobe is like dead set to write that this loveseat is the missing couch in question. So much so that he refuses to leave.

Until Morgan furnishes proof of her longtime ownership of the love seat, which she finally does after digging through like a photo album, which contains a photo of her childhood bedroom that shows the love seat. At this point, Morgan's like, get the fuck out of my apartment, bozo. And Kobe looks a little mutinous. He looks like he's going to put up a fight.

Until Morgan furnishes proof of her longtime ownership of the love seat, which she finally does after digging through like a photo album, which contains a photo of her childhood bedroom that shows the love seat. At this point, Morgan's like, get the fuck out of my apartment, bozo. And Kobe looks a little mutinous. He looks like he's going to put up a fight.

But then other members of the newspaper start sort of like quietly chiming in like, dude, come on, you're ruining the vibe. You're ruining the vibe. And in his heart, Kobe is a coward. And so with the sort of mumble, this isn't the last you'll hear from me, he takes back his two-buck chuck from Morgan and leaves the party. Sachi, that's basically the end of our story. How are you feeling?

But then other members of the newspaper start sort of like quietly chiming in like, dude, come on, you're ruining the vibe. You're ruining the vibe. And in his heart, Kobe is a coward. And so with the sort of mumble, this isn't the last you'll hear from me, he takes back his two-buck chuck from Morgan and leaves the party. Sachi, that's basically the end of our story. How are you feeling?

Who do you think is the bigger criminal here? Morgan, who actually stole something, or Kobe, who just sucked and has a really bad memory?

Who do you think is the bigger criminal here? Morgan, who actually stole something, or Kobe, who just sucked and has a really bad memory?

I do.

I do.

I thought you might. Well, I do have a couple of follow-ups from my friend who submitted this story. Do you want to hear them? Yes, yes, yes, yes. They wrote that around six months after Kobe did his big couch inspection, he was caught cheating on his new girlfriend with her best friend. And Morgan sends him one single text to the effect of, heard you got caught banging so-and-so on a couch.

I thought you might. Well, I do have a couple of follow-ups from my friend who submitted this story. Do you want to hear them? Yes, yes, yes, yes. They wrote that around six months after Kobe did his big couch inspection, he was caught cheating on his new girlfriend with her best friend. And Morgan sends him one single text to the effect of, heard you got caught banging so-and-so on a couch.

Too bad it wasn't your couch, which is in my living room, you piece of shit.