Rachelle Hampton

Thank you so much to J. Tolviera and Alex Ujong-Loughlin for lending your incredible voice acting chops to this episode. Let's hear the first one.

Okay, on one level, I'm proud of your children for collectively organizing.

Okay, on one level, I'm proud of your children for collectively organizing.

Exactly. As a bitch with long arms relative to her body, that fucking rule that's like your dress has to reach the bottom of your fingertips, for some people, that's mid-thigh. For me, that is knee length because I have a really big wingspan.

Exactly. As a bitch with long arms relative to her body, that fucking rule that's like your dress has to reach the bottom of your fingertips, for some people, that's mid-thigh. For me, that is knee length because I have a really big wingspan.

It makes benching really hard. But yeah. So actually, I think the eighth graders are right. That's how I feel about this. Power to the people.

It makes benching really hard. But yeah. So actually, I think the eighth graders are right. That's how I feel about this. Power to the people.

Why would you do that? Who would do that? That's so rude.

Why would you do that? Who would do that? That's so rude.

No, same. Actually, so true. I need to know how different the fake is from the real. Because if it's a pretty close replica, if it's like, what, that Walmart Birkin that everyone's talking about... Then I'm kind of just like, okay, they tried. But if it's just an immediate fake, like the Birkins in Canal Street, then perhaps I have questions. And have we found out who it was?

No, same. Actually, so true. I need to know how different the fake is from the real. Because if it's a pretty close replica, if it's like, what, that Walmart Birkin that everyone's talking about... Then I'm kind of just like, okay, they tried. But if it's just an immediate fake, like the Birkins in Canal Street, then perhaps I have questions. And have we found out who it was?

Like, these are things we need to know. Your mother needs to go investigation mode. She needs to be requesting the tapes. She needs to be running back to that security footage. She needs to be doing fingerprint dusting because I need to know who took her stuffed toy off her desk and then replaced it with a fake.

Like, these are things we need to know. Your mother needs to go investigation mode. She needs to be requesting the tapes. She needs to be running back to that security footage. She needs to be doing fingerprint dusting because I need to know who took her stuffed toy off her desk and then replaced it with a fake.

There's no way whoever submitted this could have known how hard this would hit for me specifically.

There's no way whoever submitted this could have known how hard this would hit for me specifically.

So all of you know me as Rachel spelled with an extra L-E at the end. It's giving Rochelle. It's giving French. It's special. It's confusing for a lot of people. The people who pronounce my name correctly upon first meeting me, I'm a little bit just like, where'd you come from? My parents spelled my name the normal way, as in R-A-C-H-E-L.

So all of you know me as Rachel spelled with an extra L-E at the end. It's giving Rochelle. It's giving French. It's special. It's confusing for a lot of people. The people who pronounce my name correctly upon first meeting me, I'm a little bit just like, where'd you come from? My parents spelled my name the normal way, as in R-A-C-H-E-L.

For most of my life, I thought that was how my name was spelled. And by most of my life, I mean up until I was like 9 or 10. That's not most of my life at this point, Jesus Christ. Anyway, I found out when my family moved from Chicago to Texas...

For most of my life, I thought that was how my name was spelled. And by most of my life, I mean up until I was like 9 or 10. That's not most of my life at this point, Jesus Christ. Anyway, I found out when my family moved from Chicago to Texas...

And I started going to Texas public school that my name legally is spelled Rochelle, despite the fact that I grew up with my entire family and my old school spelling it the old way. So it turns out my name is spelled incorrectly on my birth certificate because the nurse just kind of decided to go rogue. Yeah.