Rachelle Hampton

On the top level of the ship, Mira is holding a one-woman show. She is the star of Iceberg the Musical.

On the top level of the ship, Mira is holding a one-woman show. She is the star of Iceberg the Musical.

She's sinking. My heart will go on. Oh, my God. Just absolutely belting.

She's sinking. My heart will go on. Oh, my God. Just absolutely belting.

Mirror has this like beatific expression of Mother Teresa as she transitions into nearer my God to thee. Oh my God. It is so clear that she thinks she's saving the day. And Josie is just silently promising herself that she is never going on another fucking cruise ever again. Just then, the ship makes contact with the iceberg. No, no. Everyone screams. Yes.

Mirror has this like beatific expression of Mother Teresa as she transitions into nearer my God to thee. Oh my God. It is so clear that she thinks she's saving the day. And Josie is just silently promising herself that she is never going on another fucking cruise ever again. Just then, the ship makes contact with the iceberg. No, no. Everyone screams. Yes.

Mira actually stops singing for a moment. Okay, okay. Josie's looking at the ice flows around them, trying to figure out which one of them looks the most stable. Oh, my God. Just in case. Absolutely not. But then the engine turns back on. Oh. The captains manage to swerve away from the iceberg. Everyone's cheering as it gets further away.

Mira actually stops singing for a moment. Okay, okay. Josie's looking at the ice flows around them, trying to figure out which one of them looks the most stable. Oh, my God. Just in case. Absolutely not. But then the engine turns back on. Oh. The captains manage to swerve away from the iceberg. Everyone's cheering as it gets further away.

Mira opens her mouth to begin singing again, and Josie briefly considers tackling her. But luckily, they're interrupted. Over the intercom, Captain Jack Morgan Sparrow announces that while they avoided a full collision with the iceberg... The engine was damaged from nearly overheating and needs to be serviced. Perfect.

Mira opens her mouth to begin singing again, and Josie briefly considers tackling her. But luckily, they're interrupted. Over the intercom, Captain Jack Morgan Sparrow announces that while they avoided a full collision with the iceberg... The engine was damaged from nearly overheating and needs to be serviced. Perfect.

We're almost at the end of the story. How are you feeling? Whose side are you on?

We're almost at the end of the story. How are you feeling? Whose side are you on?

That's really fair. The ship manages to make it back to Santiago without any extra shit happening. And the engine is serviced. Oh my God. Yeah. The company doesn't even refund any of the passengers. Instead, they get comped a few extra days in Santiago. Having had a near-death experience, Josie no longer feels like beefing with a 23-year-old. Yes.

That's really fair. The ship manages to make it back to Santiago without any extra shit happening. And the engine is serviced. Oh my God. Yeah. The company doesn't even refund any of the passengers. Instead, they get comped a few extra days in Santiago. Having had a near-death experience, Josie no longer feels like beefing with a 23-year-old. Yes.

Instead, she goes to Tim and says, here's some money. Buy me Xanax in Santiago. Nice. She makes it back stateside, safely sedated. Whew. And Mira never asked her why she stopped asking for the hot plate, because Mira's been distracted. Oh, no. Among the many doctors on this cruise was the owner of a cabaret in Topeka. No!

Instead, she goes to Tim and says, here's some money. Buy me Xanax in Santiago. Nice. She makes it back stateside, safely sedated. Whew. And Mira never asked her why she stopped asking for the hot plate, because Mira's been distracted. Oh, no. Among the many doctors on this cruise was the owner of a cabaret in Topeka. No!

who loved Mira's performance and wants to build a Titanic-themed show around her. Oh, my God. Josie's sufficiently zanned out that she's happy for Mira. I'm so happy for her. Josie has also recognized that she was perhaps driven a little mad by eight years at sea. Yeah. My final update for you is that Josie actually followed through this time and does not renew her cruise contract.

who loved Mira's performance and wants to build a Titanic-themed show around her. Oh, my God. Josie's sufficiently zanned out that she's happy for Mira. I'm so happy for her. Josie has also recognized that she was perhaps driven a little mad by eight years at sea. Yeah. My final update for you is that Josie actually followed through this time and does not renew her cruise contract.

After a few months on land, she accepts a job at Disney World and never gets on a cruise ever again.

After a few months on land, she accepts a job at Disney World and never gets on a cruise ever again.