Richard Feidler

There wasn't, there was dope, but there was more alcohol.

And I knew that I couldn't do the hard drugs anymore, but I was starting to fall to pieces.

Like I just, something was going on.

So I started drinking a lot, beer, which I hate.

I mean, I just, anything that they put in front of me, anything to stop.

And so what happened was that I actually went into psychosis and I was mad.

I literally went mad.

And I saw a psychiatrist at Roselle and told him a whole lot of crap.

But he gave me something called Modicate, which is a drug for schizophrenia.

And that completely bombed me out.

I tried to get myself into Roselle Hospital because I knew I just was falling apart.

I was suicidal.

I didn't know what was going on.

I didn't know I was in a psychosis.

And someone put me into a detox centre and the person who answered the phone told me about this self-help group and these people came and took me to this support group for people who were trying to get off drugs and alcohol.

And that was the beginning.

Well, now it's 48 years later.

So, you know, that was when I first faced my demons and

when I found ways and support groups to be able to face those demons without trying to hide anymore because that's what had happened.

That I was a mess, that I didn't know who I was, that I was a negative person, that I was full of shame and guilt, no self-confidence.