Rick Morton
speaker
332 appearances
3 recordings
2 series
first heard Nov 2019
last heard 18 Apr
Rick Morton’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
And the realisation was that that was no longer working and it couldn't work forever and that in order to defeat that I had to turn away from it and back to the world.
And I had to learn how to love the world again, I guess, which is why I guess I call it a rediscovery of love.
It's certainly, I mean, so there are different kinds of trauma, right?
The one that I have is called complex PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder.
And really it's a kind of an emotional abuse or just a real low level of kind of absence from one or both of your primary caregivers who are meant to love you, right?
And when they fail in that mission, even if it's just over like a persistent lack of love over many years, in my case, it was a little bit of that and then boom, a really bad four-week period where I was alone with my dad having this affair with our 19-year-old governess while my brother was in a burns ward 1,500 kilometres away with my mum and my sister and I was seven.
That's a long sentence.
It's a lot of things to happen in a five-week period, four, five-week period for a seven-year-old.
And that was...
like a kind of a crucifying moment for me, I guess.
So in terms of my trauma, the opposite does feel like love because the cause was love.
You know, this is a bad analogy, but I'm going to say it anyway.
It's like finding out your car doesn't have a spark plug.
I mean, the solution is a spark plug.
Like, if you don't have love, you put love back in.
And it took me a long time to realise that because I was so wounded and so unwilling to let anyone else
do that to me again, that I shut everyone out.
And it's strange because I felt like my father's deliberate absence was the proof of concept I needed to prove that I was unlovable.
And so, you know, if this guy can't do it, then why would I believe anyone else who says that they love me, friend or otherwise?
And so, like, unpicking that damage has been quite the mission.
Showing 121–140 of 332 · page 7 of 17
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