Rickson Gracie

But I allowed myself to get deep in the dark.

I allowed myself to hug a stone and go to the lake and stay deep on the thinking about suicide or thinking about drugs, thinking about what's the purpose of life.

Being a very much weak person,

And the purpose, you know, crying and not feeling like, no, that's okay, I'm strong.

Because if you try to hide emotions from yourself and try to show everybody you're okay, you're just making a patch which is not working.

So I have to feel like weak and completely vulnerable.

And then I get there.

And in order for me to get out of this hole,

One day I was meditating in a little platform I did on top of the trees for my son.

And I was there and I thought about my dad and my dad always saying, and everything bad happens to you is always a good side of it.

And everything good happens to you is always a bad side of it.

So nothing can be only bad or only good.

And I start thinking about what could be good based on my son's departure.

And I realized time for me was always something I was in charge about it.

I could fight at will.

I could teach at will.

I raised my kids.

I could, my dad, I want to talk to you.

Okay, not today.

I'm going to surf.