Rivkah Reyes

I feel that way.

I wake up and I know like what the right thing to do is.

Now with eight years in recovery, my body has these rejections to dishonesty.

When I feel myself being dishonest or overperforming or doing something that doesn't fall under that umbrella of good orderly direction, I feel sick.

I feel physically just like, ugh, yucky.

Which is when I talk shit about people, immediately I'm like, ugh.

I'm being mean.

I'm sorry.

There's like a personal house cleaning that is to be done when you work the steps, the 12 steps in AA or any 12 step program.

And there's like a reckoning to be done with yourself of like, oh, yeah, like these are these qualities, these.

parts of my character makeup that have failed me in the past, including self-reliance being the number one, I would identify as independent to a fault, which then leads me to isolate, which down the road probably would lead me to a drink.

You know, knowing all of that and having this like list of behaviors and qualities about myself in the past to look out for, I can wake up every day and go, all right, where can I be tolerant and kind and loving and honest and patient?

I'm a deeply impatient person.

Like when I'm on the train, I'm like, go, go.

Like I'll like say, move to people.

And then I immediately am like, ugh.

I'm sorry.

It's like an awareness.

It's just like a deep awareness and action.

Yeah.