Rob Corddry

I didn't take four years of journalism courses at five different community colleges just to jump around on some courthouse steps waving flags and cat heads like a maniac, okay? This trial, like all too many these days, turned into just another viewer's circus.

I didn't take four years of journalism courses at five different community colleges just to jump around on some courthouse steps waving flags and cat heads like a maniac, okay? This trial, like all too many these days, turned into just another viewer's circus.

Stop kidding yourself, John. They're out there right now watching us. waiting for the next tidbit. What was her emotional state? Are they real? And if I don't deliver it, they'll just click around until you find somebody else, won't you, viewers? Oh, I can feel your eyes on me like dirty little hands pawing at my pockets, strip searching me for any little detail, no matter how irrelevant.

Stop kidding yourself, John. They're out there right now watching us. waiting for the next tidbit. What was her emotional state? Are they real? And if I don't deliver it, they'll just click around until you find somebody else, won't you, viewers? Oh, I can feel your eyes on me like dirty little hands pawing at my pockets, strip searching me for any little detail, no matter how irrelevant.

Well, you can have your insatiable desire for sleaze, you can have your salacious rumors about Martha Stewart's private life, and you can have it tomorrow night at 7 on my special Stephen Colbert Reports, Martha Stewart, Under the Linen. Remember, that's at 7. And again at 8.

Well, you can have your insatiable desire for sleaze, you can have your salacious rumors about Martha Stewart's private life, and you can have it tomorrow night at 7 on my special Stephen Colbert Reports, Martha Stewart, Under the Linen. Remember, that's at 7. And again at 8.

No, John. I'm actually just signaling the paramedics. Evidently, I'm standing on a baby. John?

No, John. I'm actually just signaling the paramedics. Evidently, I'm standing on a baby. John?

The Martha Center 2600, John. This will be our home base of operations during the entire house arrest. I'll be reviewing the footage taken by our fiber optic cameras, analyzing the thermal scans to pinpoint Martha's locations at all times, and sifting through the data collected by the Martha Stewart colonoscope. John, that's assuming, of course, that we can get it installed.

The Martha Center 2600, John. This will be our home base of operations during the entire house arrest. I'll be reviewing the footage taken by our fiber optic cameras, analyzing the thermal scans to pinpoint Martha's locations at all times, and sifting through the data collected by the Martha Stewart colonoscope. John, that's assuming, of course, that we can get it installed.

Now, John, in that footage you just saw, Martha passed by this windowed area here, obviously going from one side to the other. Perhaps there was something on the other end of the room she needed, a whisk, or some polished gravel in a frosted vase, or perhaps a set of bleached beeswax jelly jar candles. I don't know, it's too early to tell, John.

Now, John, in that footage you just saw, Martha passed by this windowed area here, obviously going from one side to the other. Perhaps there was something on the other end of the room she needed, a whisk, or some polished gravel in a frosted vase, or perhaps a set of bleached beeswax jelly jar candles. I don't know, it's too early to tell, John.

John, did you know for the price of a flight to Lebanon, you can get a whole Martha Center 2600? Yeah, or two Martha Center 1300s? John, so easy.

John, did you know for the price of a flight to Lebanon, you can get a whole Martha Center 2600? Yeah, or two Martha Center 1300s? John, so easy.

Get me position alpha on screen. Position alpha on screen. Stat, stat, green team, green team. I need parabolics around the perimeter, go.

Get me position alpha on screen. Position alpha on screen. Stat, stat, green team, green team. I need parabolics around the perimeter, go.

Okay, where are we, people? If I can't have visual, give me some audio. Pronto, go! Go, go, go! Go! What? We have a wide shot on screen. Okay, stand down, people. Condition normalized. Nice work, everybody. Good work. Good work. So, John, you can see the drills have paid off. We're going to be right on top of this thing for the next five months.

Okay, where are we, people? If I can't have visual, give me some audio. Pronto, go! Go, go, go! Go! What? We have a wide shot on screen. Okay, stand down, people. Condition normalized. Nice work, everybody. Good work. Good work. So, John, you can see the drills have paid off. We're going to be right on top of this thing for the next five months.