Rob Corddry

John, before we talk about the trial, I'd like to apologize to you. I know we agreed ahead of time that if the verdict was guilty, I would wave a red flag. And if it was innocent, wave a blue flag. But in the excitement of the moment, I came out waving the severed head of a cat. Which obviously can be interpreted any number of ways. I'm sorry to have put you in that position.

John, before we talk about the trial, I'd like to apologize to you. I know we agreed ahead of time that if the verdict was guilty, I would wave a red flag. And if it was innocent, wave a blue flag. But in the excitement of the moment, I came out waving the severed head of a cat. Which obviously can be interpreted any number of ways. I'm sorry to have put you in that position.

It won't happen again. Yeah, it won't happen again.

It won't happen again. Yeah, it won't happen again.

Also, I should apologize to that woman I knocked over in my haste to report on this story. Though, in my defense, who parks their wheelchair at the top of the courthouse steps? You'd think an 80 year old would know better. Anyway, my condolences to her family. And to the families of those she struck on the way down. That's a lot of steps, John.

Also, I should apologize to that woman I knocked over in my haste to report on this story. Though, in my defense, who parks their wheelchair at the top of the courthouse steps? You'd think an 80 year old would know better. Anyway, my condolences to her family. And to the families of those she struck on the way down. That's a lot of steps, John.

No, it wasn't, John. And it highlights a disturbing trend that's all too obvious in the media these days. The viewers are completely out of control. Did you say, I'm sorry, did you say the viewers? Yes, John. I'm just as shocked as you at how aggressive the viewers have become. They're constantly beating us down with unrealistic demands for immediacy.

No, it wasn't, John. And it highlights a disturbing trend that's all too obvious in the media these days. The viewers are completely out of control. Did you say, I'm sorry, did you say the viewers? Yes, John. I'm just as shocked as you at how aggressive the viewers have become. They're constantly beating us down with unrealistic demands for immediacy.

I didn't take four years of journalism courses at five different community colleges just to jump around on some courthouse steps waving flags and cat heads like a maniac, okay? This trial, like all too many these days, turned into just another viewer's circus.

I didn't take four years of journalism courses at five different community colleges just to jump around on some courthouse steps waving flags and cat heads like a maniac, okay? This trial, like all too many these days, turned into just another viewer's circus.

Stop kidding yourself, John. They're out there right now watching us. waiting for the next tidbit. What was her emotional state? Are they real? And if I don't deliver it, they'll just click around until you find somebody else, won't you, viewers? Oh, I can feel your eyes on me like dirty little hands pawing at my pockets, strip searching me for any little detail, no matter how irrelevant.

Stop kidding yourself, John. They're out there right now watching us. waiting for the next tidbit. What was her emotional state? Are they real? And if I don't deliver it, they'll just click around until you find somebody else, won't you, viewers? Oh, I can feel your eyes on me like dirty little hands pawing at my pockets, strip searching me for any little detail, no matter how irrelevant.

Well, you can have your insatiable desire for sleaze, you can have your salacious rumors about Martha Stewart's private life, and you can have it tomorrow night at 7 on my special Stephen Colbert Reports, Martha Stewart, Under the Linen. Remember, that's at 7. And again at 8.

Well, you can have your insatiable desire for sleaze, you can have your salacious rumors about Martha Stewart's private life, and you can have it tomorrow night at 7 on my special Stephen Colbert Reports, Martha Stewart, Under the Linen. Remember, that's at 7. And again at 8.

No, John. I'm actually just signaling the paramedics. Evidently, I'm standing on a baby. John?

No, John. I'm actually just signaling the paramedics. Evidently, I'm standing on a baby. John?

The Martha Center 2600, John. This will be our home base of operations during the entire house arrest. I'll be reviewing the footage taken by our fiber optic cameras, analyzing the thermal scans to pinpoint Martha's locations at all times, and sifting through the data collected by the Martha Stewart colonoscope. John, that's assuming, of course, that we can get it installed.

The Martha Center 2600, John. This will be our home base of operations during the entire house arrest. I'll be reviewing the footage taken by our fiber optic cameras, analyzing the thermal scans to pinpoint Martha's locations at all times, and sifting through the data collected by the Martha Stewart colonoscope. John, that's assuming, of course, that we can get it installed.

Now, John, in that footage you just saw, Martha passed by this windowed area here, obviously going from one side to the other. Perhaps there was something on the other end of the room she needed, a whisk, or some polished gravel in a frosted vase, or perhaps a set of bleached beeswax jelly jar candles. I don't know, it's too early to tell, John.

Now, John, in that footage you just saw, Martha passed by this windowed area here, obviously going from one side to the other. Perhaps there was something on the other end of the room she needed, a whisk, or some polished gravel in a frosted vase, or perhaps a set of bleached beeswax jelly jar candles. I don't know, it's too early to tell, John.