Rob Dial

Why didn't you do more? You should have seen that coming. You can't let anybody down. Any of this sound familiar? It's exhausting. And more importantly, it's not really your fault. It was what you had to do to feel safe as a child. But now that you're an adult, you're allowed to rewrite it. And that's what's really important. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.

Why is your brain wired this way? Well, here's where neuroscience really comes in. Your developing brain in childhood is built around adapting to the environment for survival. When unpredictability was the norm, your brain learned, if I can anticipate or control everything, then I'll be safe. And so it creates this feedback loops of being over-controlling.

Why is your brain wired this way? Well, here's where neuroscience really comes in. Your developing brain in childhood is built around adapting to the environment for survival. When unpredictability was the norm, your brain learned, if I can anticipate or control everything, then I'll be safe. And so it creates this feedback loops of being over-controlling.

Why is your brain wired this way? Well, here's where neuroscience really comes in. Your developing brain in childhood is built around adapting to the environment for survival. When unpredictability was the norm, your brain learned, if I can anticipate or control everything, then I'll be safe. And so it creates this feedback loops of being over-controlling.

And because you're over-controlling, you get a brief sense of safety. Ah, you feel like you're controlling everything. Everything's okay for right now. Then the world feels unpredictable again. And then you feel the need for more control. And it's these feedback loops of more control and more control. And over time, you become more controlling. It's not just a mindset that's behind all this.

And because you're over-controlling, you get a brief sense of safety. Ah, you feel like you're controlling everything. Everything's okay for right now. Then the world feels unpredictable again. And then you feel the need for more control. And it's these feedback loops of more control and more control. And over time, you become more controlling. It's not just a mindset that's behind all this.

And because you're over-controlling, you get a brief sense of safety. Ah, you feel like you're controlling everything. Everything's okay for right now. Then the world feels unpredictable again. And then you feel the need for more control. And it's these feedback loops of more control and more control. And over time, you become more controlling. It's not just a mindset that's behind all this.

It's biology behind it. You know, and your amygdala, which is the fear center of your brain, becomes hyperactive early in life because of all of the chaos. Your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, for logic, for emotional regulation, struggles to develop in environments that are full of stress. And over time, your body becomes the control system, not your conscious mind.

It's biology behind it. You know, and your amygdala, which is the fear center of your brain, becomes hyperactive early in life because of all of the chaos. Your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, for logic, for emotional regulation, struggles to develop in environments that are full of stress. And over time, your body becomes the control system, not your conscious mind.

It's biology behind it. You know, and your amygdala, which is the fear center of your brain, becomes hyperactive early in life because of all of the chaos. Your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, for logic, for emotional regulation, struggles to develop in environments that are full of stress. And over time, your body becomes the control system, not your conscious mind.

And so it's not about being a control freak. If you'd be like, oh, I'm a control freak. That's just the way of them. Or someone says that you're a control freak. It's about your nervous system doing its best with really, really outdated software. You might be 40 years old and this is something that you developed when you were seven.

And so it's not about being a control freak. If you'd be like, oh, I'm a control freak. That's just the way of them. Or someone says that you're a control freak. It's about your nervous system doing its best with really, really outdated software. You might be 40 years old and this is something that you developed when you were seven.

And so it's not about being a control freak. If you'd be like, oh, I'm a control freak. That's just the way of them. Or someone says that you're a control freak. It's about your nervous system doing its best with really, really outdated software. You might be 40 years old and this is something that you developed when you were seven.

And so the thing that's really important behind this that I really wanna talk about is we're talking about being a child here. And we're talking about the fact that you develop this system, I guess you could say, of control in your childhood because you did not feel safe in some way. And so you had to develop this control issue so that you could feel safe. Here's the hardest part of all of it.

And so the thing that's really important behind this that I really wanna talk about is we're talking about being a child here. And we're talking about the fact that you develop this system, I guess you could say, of control in your childhood because you did not feel safe in some way. And so you had to develop this control issue so that you could feel safe. Here's the hardest part of all of it.

And so the thing that's really important behind this that I really wanna talk about is we're talking about being a child here. And we're talking about the fact that you develop this system, I guess you could say, of control in your childhood because you did not feel safe in some way. And so you had to develop this control issue so that you could feel safe. Here's the hardest part of all of it.

Beneath all of this urge to control, a lot of times for most people is often grief. Grief for the childhood that you didn't get, grief for the caretakers who couldn't show up, grief for the safety that you had to create instead of receiving, which is what children should receive as a child. And when we finally stop and ask, why do I feel responsible for everything?

Beneath all of this urge to control, a lot of times for most people is often grief. Grief for the childhood that you didn't get, grief for the caretakers who couldn't show up, grief for the safety that you had to create instead of receiving, which is what children should receive as a child. And when we finally stop and ask, why do I feel responsible for everything?

Beneath all of this urge to control, a lot of times for most people is often grief. Grief for the childhood that you didn't get, grief for the caretakers who couldn't show up, grief for the safety that you had to create instead of receiving, which is what children should receive as a child. And when we finally stop and ask, why do I feel responsible for everything?

we start, or whatever it might be that kind of cracks us open, we begin to realize, oh my God, that little kid just didn't feel safe in some ways. Like, how sad is that? And it gives you a chance to really crack yourself open and to mourn what you might not have had and how you had to grow up too soon. And that's really when you start healing is when you allow yourself to feel those feelings.