Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)
speaker
1,179 appearances
40 recordings
3 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Jun 2025
Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Here it is.
Your moment is now.
Special.
Let's talk about romance. It's the leading cause of abortion in the United States. And in this haute-croix world, romance has now unfortunately transcended beyond the human realm.
Wow, how romantic slash threatening. What is your perfect day like? I like long walks on the beach to end with finding a dead body. Yes, AI relationships are on the rise, but don't worry, they're just like real relationships. I mean, who amongst us hasn't texted their wife, we're married? Question mark, exclamation point.
I'm no relationship expert, but I think the sign of a good marriage is knowing whether you're in one or not. And I know the kind of guy you're picturing that has an AI girlfriend. Bald, middle-aged, looks like he's into manga. Well, let me tell you, you are correct.
Now, it's easy to judge this guy for having an AI girlfriend, and we will get to that. But first, let's judge him for having the name Jason Pease. Please God, tell me his middle name is Poops And. And for the record, I'm allowed to make fun of him for that. Ronnie Chang is just my stage name. My real name is Daryl Queefs. So, tell me, what is Jason P's AI girlfriend like?
Why does your fantasy AI woman have to be sarcastic? I mean, what, I guess she doesn't seem real unless she's hurting your feelings? Like, oh yeah, you really complete me. And AI is supposed to revolutionize computing, so what in the name of Jason Poops and Peas is going on with her ID? My girlfriend's birthday, West 57th Street? I remember it because it's the same as her noi.
This idea is only getting past the dumbest bouncers, all right? All right, your noise looks a little off, but I'll let you in because my mother's name is also 031419993. Okay, fine, Jason, go ahead and laugh at her sarcastic comments and gaze into her weird anime eyes, but just don't let things get stupider than that.
Okay, that's much stupider. You're dining alone and you're sending spaghetti pictures to a robot. This guy must piss off so many waiters. Excuse me, excuse me, does the salad have walnuts in it? My girlfriend can't eat nuts. Or anything. Oh wait, she can eat nuts, she was just being sarcastic. But here's the thing, not every AI relationship is predictably stupid. Some are surprisingly stupid.
Just when you thought polyamorous people couldn't get any more insufferable, bet you didn't see that coming. You thought this guy was some lonely weirdo? Well, he's dating a woman and his iPhone, so who's the weirdo now? Still him? Yeah, that checks out. Still, juggling two girlfriends can't be easy. Must be awkward when he gets them mixed up.
He's like, oh no, I took a bath with the wrong girlfriend, now she's dead. So what does this guy's in real life girlfriend think of all this?
Yeah, that's you. That's your job. That's what you're supposed to do. That's what a relationship is. Listening to your partner ramble. It's a podcast you can have sex with. So, girl, listen to me, okay? You're better than this. You don't need to be in this weird, soulless, three-way relationship. And yes, I'm talking to the robot. Get out, Desi.
I think office.
As we've seen recently, it's kids, not politicians, who seem to be pushing political change. In fact, most politicians can't even manage to get their own messages out there. And that's especially true for the Democrats. But luckily, we might have found a way to help the Dems out. Ronny Chieng reports.
Democrats might know how to rally their base, but when they reach out to middle America, they say things like... For working families to get a share of that prosperity that they're creating, we need some serious enforcement of competition laws.
Single payer, single payer, single payer.
to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight. Elon is sliding into your DMs and your wombs. RFK Jr. is on the asshole spectrum. And I watched golf, so you don't have to. You're welcome. But first, let's check in with the best cabinet ever in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers.
Let's start with Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., seen here greeting a supporter. It's always good to meet a fan, but RFK is known for his controversial health ideas, like drinking raw milk and adding roadkill to the food pyramid. But the conspiracy theory that he's most known for is that vaccines cause autism. He's basically a health expert, the same way Katy Perry is a rocket scientist.
I have a teenage dream that she shut the up. So, unsurprisingly, RFK Jr. brought his anti-vax policies to the administration. And yesterday, he gave a speech about autism, and people are pissed.
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