Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)
speaker
1,179 appearances
40 recordings
3 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Jun 2025
Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Wait, that... That's what you're gonna lead with? That's the big tragedy for you? These poor kids will never know the joy of attaching a Schedule K to a 1048. It's not even accurate. I mean, autistic people do pay taxes. Are you thinking of art history majors? But, I mean... Please give us more of your expert opinions about what autistic people can and can't do.
What do you mean they don't date? I mean, does the candy compound not have Netflix? Okay, because David took Abby on a safari to Africa. And yeah, could Connor be a little more open-minded about dating blondes? Sure, but couldn't we all? I mean, everything this guy said is ridiculous. Autistic kids will never write poems? Well, who wants kids to write more poems?
That's something we should be preventing. So it's no wonder why people are pissed at him. Most autistic people can do all that stuff. And even the ones who can are still human beings. Who even made RFK the judge of what makes life worth living? I'm sorry, they'll never know the joy of planting bear carcasses in Central Park or holding 85% of the world's mucus in their throats. But whatever.
This is a huge project he's taking on. I mean, Lem spent the next two decades trying to figure it out.
By September? Wow, that was quick and very specific. I mean, I ordered a couch that isn't going to come by then. But good to know when I'm watching the Wicked sequel this fall, I can focus on the plot instead of wondering what causes autism. I mean, why are you even pretending to study it? We all know you're gonna blame vaccines, okay?
This whole thing is more rigged than a golf championship at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, just look at who he hired to do the research.
You know when commercials say nine out of 10 doctors agree? This is the 10th doctor. I mean, this guy looks like the reason second opinions were invented. But enough about RFK, let's move on to Elon Musk, living proof that autistic people can do anything, including... Including destroy the government. And as far as his dating life goes, Elon isn't lacking there either.
Elon, can you just be a normal person and send a dick pic, all right? This is why you should switch the settings on your DMs to followers who don't want to impregnate me only. I mean, you haven't met this person and you're already trying to raw doge her? Like, I... I have to work up the courage to put the moves on my own wife, all right?
Like, hey, if you're not doing anything later, maybe you could, like, I don't know, like, kiss or whatever. Never mind, it's stupid. But... Let's stop thinking about Elon's sperm and get back to actual government stuff. Specifically, the Pentagon, where Pete Hegseth, defense secretary and guy whose tattoos are somehow embarrassed by him, just scored another victory in his war on thinking.
Like, yeah, I don't want one of those woke social justice books. I'm looking for more of a beach read. Do you have Mein Kampf? This type of censorship is outrageous and un-American, and this has got to be the most disgusting thing Pete Hegseth has ever done.
Okay, well, I think we just found the cause of autism. This... This... This is the worst thing I've ever heard a defense secretary do, and I'm including Vietnam. I know it's called an everything bagel, but you're supposed to draw a line somewhere, okay? Anyway, this whole anti-DI thing is getting out of control.
They're pulling books about minorities out of schools, scrubbing stories about women and gay people from websites, and Disney can't even put out a new Snow White without people trying to deport her. And that's just the beginning. To take advantage of this shift in the culture war, the White House has just launched its own streaming service.
Welcome back to The Daily Show. I think I speak for everyone when I say politics drools and sports rules. For a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.
Oh, yeah? Well, I should go to therapy, seeing as how I'm obsessed with your mom.
This is totally different, you idiot. Rory was trying to accomplish one of the hardest things in all of sports. You just took a dump in a fitting room.
Well, I'm not, okay? I don't want to see him happy. Everyone knows that Irish people are at their best when they're depressed. Haven't you ever read James Joyce?
Moving on, the NBA playoffs start Saturday. But if you're a little girl with a big imagination like Costa, you also have a reason to be excited.
This is the dumbest toy ever. I hope it comes with a brawny James doll that you're forced to play with even though it sucks.
Which brings us to our extremely random endorsement deal, Better the Week, presented by Joanne Fabrics. Which athlete will sign the next extremely random endorsement deal? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. They're doing amazing things with wheelchairs now.
Costa, you're out of your mind, all right? This is ruining the game. You can't be doing gender reveals at the plate. Gender reveals are supposed to be for a close group of loved ones that you're hoping to injure with explosives.
Showing 261–280 of 1,179 · page 14 of 59
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