Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)

I mean, don't you guys have tech support in the government? I mean, what, oh. Well, okay, well, if you ask me, adding a reporter wasn't even the most embarrassing thing to happen on this group chat.

I mean, don't you guys have tech support in the government? I mean, what, oh. Well, okay, well, if you ask me, adding a reporter wasn't even the most embarrassing thing to happen on this group chat.

Is anyone else kind of upset that we're conducting war by emoji now? I mean, what does this even mean? What, I'm gonna fist the flag and then light it on fire? There's a reason why you don't use emojis for life and death situations. It's too open to interpretation, okay? Like imagine if your doctor texted you a crab emoji, right? And now you're going, oh my God, I have crabs?

Is anyone else kind of upset that we're conducting war by emoji now? I mean, what does this even mean? What, I'm gonna fist the flag and then light it on fire? There's a reason why you don't use emojis for life and death situations. It's too open to interpretation, okay? Like imagine if your doctor texted you a crab emoji, right? And now you're going, oh my God, I have crabs?

And your doctor has to be like, LOL, no, it's the astrology sign for cancer. You have cancer. But now everyone is yelling at them about this breach of national security or whatever, and the Department of Defense is having trouble defending themselves. Luckily, all of MAGA is there to help them. Counter-argument one. Nobody's perfect.

And your doctor has to be like, LOL, no, it's the astrology sign for cancer. You have cancer. But now everyone is yelling at them about this breach of national security or whatever, and the Department of Defense is having trouble defending themselves. Luckily, all of MAGA is there to help them. Counter-argument one. Nobody's perfect.

Boris, I gave you the sound bites. Stop asking follow-up questions. If I wanted to talk to a journalist, I'd be on a private group chat with Pete Hegseth. Okay, cut it out. Like, come on, what, we're just calling this a mistake now? Like, look, my door dasher for getting straws is a mistake that can be rectified with one star and no tip, okay?

Boris, I gave you the sound bites. Stop asking follow-up questions. If I wanted to talk to a journalist, I'd be on a private group chat with Pete Hegseth. Okay, cut it out. Like, come on, what, we're just calling this a mistake now? Like, look, my door dasher for getting straws is a mistake that can be rectified with one star and no tip, okay?

But this feels like a major up, and they're acting like nobody will care about this. And honestly, they're probably right. I mean, nothing seems to matter anymore anyway, and everyone will forget this in a few days when Trump sends the new Snow White to Gitmo.

But this feels like a major up, and they're acting like nobody will care about this. And honestly, they're probably right. I mean, nothing seems to matter anymore anyway, and everyone will forget this in a few days when Trump sends the new Snow White to Gitmo.

And even if they didn't accidentally add a journalist into this group chat, they weren't supposed to be talking about this stuff on Signal in the first place, okay? Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it's not for the Pentagon to plan wars on.

And even if they didn't accidentally add a journalist into this group chat, they weren't supposed to be talking about this stuff on Signal in the first place, okay? Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it's not for the Pentagon to plan wars on.

That's right, foreign adversaries could be watching whatever Pete Hegseth types into his phone, like, bar near me, or how to fool breathalyzer, or how to un-crash car. But if you're not satisfied with, it was just a mistake, they have another defense. It was just a mistake that was awesome.

That's right, foreign adversaries could be watching whatever Pete Hegseth types into his phone, like, bar near me, or how to fool breathalyzer, or how to un-crash car. But if you're not satisfied with, it was just a mistake, they have another defense. It was just a mistake that was awesome.

Precision. I mean, even your texts weren't hitting the intended targets, all right? Like, forget the hoothies. I'm surprised they didn't accidentally blow up Hootie and the Blowfish. This is like if your sex tape leaked and you're like, hey, I'm glad you saw all of it, okay? This proves my dick works.

Precision. I mean, even your texts weren't hitting the intended targets, all right? Like, forget the hoothies. I'm surprised they didn't accidentally blow up Hootie and the Blowfish. This is like if your sex tape leaked and you're like, hey, I'm glad you saw all of it, okay? This proves my dick works.

By the way, Mike Johnson, if you're watching, a sex tape is when two people love each other very much, but they also want to masturbate later. Just to summarize, the Trump administration admitted this happened, but it was a small mistake, and it was a good thing that it happened, but also, what if the reporter made the whole thing up? Not a good reporter.

By the way, Mike Johnson, if you're watching, a sex tape is when two people love each other very much, but they also want to masturbate later. Just to summarize, the Trump administration admitted this happened, but it was a small mistake, and it was a good thing that it happened, but also, what if the reporter made the whole thing up? Not a good reporter.

Right. So this reporter who is dishonest and sucks is also correct. And also, we added him to our group chat because he's a fun hang. I mean, you can't use it was a mistake and it was fake news. You got to pick one, okay? You got to get together and figure it out, okay? But not in a group chat. No more group chats.

Right. So this reporter who is dishonest and sucks is also correct. And also, we added him to our group chat because he's a fun hang. I mean, you can't use it was a mistake and it was fake news. You got to pick one, okay? You got to get together and figure it out, okay? But not in a group chat. No more group chats.