Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)

Jordan, did your brain tear its ACL? Okay, we shouldn't be giving an equipment manager endorsement deals. It's against the natural order of things. The jocks get the endorsement deals and the glory and the girls and the nerds get to get beat up by the jocks, then start social media companies that warp the brains of the jocks to eventually vote against their own interests.

Jordan, did your brain tear its ACL? Okay, we shouldn't be giving an equipment manager endorsement deals. It's against the natural order of things. The jocks get the endorsement deals and the glory and the girls and the nerds get to get beat up by the jocks, then start social media companies that warp the brains of the jocks to eventually vote against their own interests.

Which brings us to my bracket buster, Better Than Knife. Which random nerd will get an endorsement deal next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. As Thomas Jefferson once said, it ain't gay if it's a parlay. Now it's time for our Sports War Halftime Report with Grace Kuhlensmith.

Which brings us to my bracket buster, Better Than Knife. Which random nerd will get an endorsement deal next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. As Thomas Jefferson once said, it ain't gay if it's a parlay. Now it's time for our Sports War Halftime Report with Grace Kuhlensmith.

Bravo, bravo. I love dudes. This is exactly what vasectomies are all about. Watching sports alone with a bag of frozen peas on your junk. I mean, me, I'm on my 11th vasectomy this year. Is that why you missed my wedding? No, I missed it because I don't like seeing you happy.

Bravo, bravo. I love dudes. This is exactly what vasectomies are all about. Watching sports alone with a bag of frozen peas on your junk. I mean, me, I'm on my 11th vasectomy this year. Is that why you missed my wedding? No, I missed it because I don't like seeing you happy.

Before we go, let's throw it back to Grace for our post-game report.

Before we go, let's throw it back to Grace for our post-game report.

I've seen it when he eats cereal.

I've seen it when he eats cereal.

My guest tonight is the first woman, first Asian, first Michelle to be elected mayor of Boston. Please welcome Mayor Michelle Wu. Standing ovation. Outstanding ovation in New York for the mayor of Boston. That's very hard to get. That's the first time. I love you. I don't usually make demographics such a big deal, but, like, how did you become mayor?

My guest tonight is the first woman, first Asian, first Michelle to be elected mayor of Boston. Please welcome Mayor Michelle Wu. Standing ovation. Outstanding ovation in New York for the mayor of Boston. That's very hard to get. That's the first time. I love you. I don't usually make demographics such a big deal, but, like, how did you become mayor?

Of Boston.

Of Boston.

Well, what's the answer? How did you...

Well, what's the answer? How did you...

Yeah, went to Harvard Law School.

Yeah, went to Harvard Law School.

OK, OK.

OK, OK.