Rox Pink

So I'll give you an example.

I had number one, shutdowns aren't done on purpose to hurt you.

So if you're going to translate it, I'm going to do it from the perspective of someone that doesn't know yet.

Oh, this is great.

Ready?

Number one, shutdowns are done to shut down the conversation and to refuse to engage.

Yeah, I guess, you know, to witness it as, as a partner and,

You can be in the middle of talking about something really difficult or you're dealing with something stressful and I can see you.

It looks like to me, you're disengaging with it.

You're zoning out.

All the social signals we're taught to look for are saying, shut up, get away, stop talking, like looking away.

Even I said, Rich, I speak your name.

You ignore it.

For a long time, that just used to annoy me.

Why are you not, hello, why are you not talking to me?

I would always want to process and talk and I'd add on all these other meanings to your behaviours, which was that you were trying to push me away or refusing to talk about it and just going silent, sort of as an act of defiance, using silence as an act of defiance rather than being completely overwhelmed by whatever's happening.

and actually don't have access to having a conversation at that moment.

That's also true.

We're not saying shut down.

That's fine.