Roy Chang

I want President Trump.

Guys, of course a kid wants Trump instead of Santa, okay?

You don't have to be good all year to get on his nice list.

You just have to buy enough of his crypto.

Also, if you think about it, Trump and Santa aren't that different, right?

They're both old men, very famous, and they've both been to Epstein Island, okay?

No, relax, okay?

Santa went to deliver gifts.

There were kids there, remember?

No, you think just because they're sex slaves, they don't deserve presents?

That's up.

While Trump was plotting to replace Santa, the first lady spent the day with the OG himself.

And boy, does she look happier than I've seen her in a while.

They were at a military base to promote Toys for Tots, where Melania read some traditional Slovenian Christmas erotic fan fiction.

Wow, this is so hot.

Santa climbed aboard my Osprey and he pulled out his sack of goodies.

Then he showed me North Pole.

But Christmas isn't just about Santa.

It's about visiting family.

And Trump's transportation secretary, Sean Duffy, is trying to make that a more pleasant experience for everybody.