Ryan Cortez
speaker
103 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Dec 2024
Ryan Cortez’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I mean, instead of wearing, like, purple pants like you have in the past with me, you're wearing shorts?
I'm so impressed with your calves, dude. As someone who used to do calf raises in high school, like, yours are better than anything I've ever put out. Like, for sure.
We learned that Dan Soder has the best Macho Man Savage impression I've ever heard.
Dude, you know what's funny is five years ago on this day, you and I were working together on High Noon. This is the fourth show you and I have worked together on. Debatable, highly questionable High Noon. Pablo Torre finds out. Five years ago on this day when I was getting ready to go to work for High Noon, I got a text message from one of the producers. And I remember that message.
I remember where I was, how it made me feel. The message said, are you cool pouring maple syrup in Pablo's mouth? And I was like, dude, I wanted to be a journalist, and this is what my career has come to now.
Tuna's disgusting and you're eating it alone. That's what's wrong with it.
That's foul. It smells terrible. You're a bad person.
Very good.
Das ist eine Weihnachtszeit. Schau dir das an. Es ist klar, was passiert. Was meinst du, du weißt nicht, was passiert?
Ich habe es auch gemacht, aber nur unter der Prämisse, dass ich eine Heatkultur-Hoodie tragen könnte.
Die Kälber sind nicht so groß genug. Die Kälber sind nicht groß genug.
...do. Christmas is different to every person, though. That's what you need to understand. So I'm going to give you my version of Christmases.
My Christmas is entirely about reality television. It's all I care about. I don't want to see your stupid gingerbread houses and all this bulls**t, Santa Claus and elves. I don't care. I'll have the Miami Heat big screen, okay? And then four other screens, potentially? Reality TV. Das ist das, was los ist. Es ist wie Red Zone. Gleichzeitig. Ja, potenziell, potenziell. Nur wie ein Minoritätsreport.
Nur die Tafel zu studieren, die Nase an die Brust, genau wie du. Was ist dein Hintergrund mit der Realität TV? Hast du Katzen gesehen? Was hast du gesehen?
Wow, you don't even know? It's like Real Housewives of... Salt Lake City, Potomac, Atlanta, Miami, Dallas, Dubai. I can't tell if these are fake. Not a single one of those is fake. What are you talking about?
Well, look, the thing is, we need to get to, like, what I'm gonna change for you. Because what you're watching on TV is stupid. Okay. It's not good. And I'm gonna give you stuff to watch that is better. So you're gonna give me the top five reality TV shows that you must watch over Christmas break instead of indulging in stupid Christmas. So you have five. The thing is, I do not like rules.
You don't say. I'll give you however many I want. So we're going to start with an OLI. The Outside Looking In. These are shows that didn't make my cut of top five reality shows, but they're still good shows that you should check out.
Number one, summer house and winter house. Okay. Same type of show. One's in the summer, one's in the winter. They pack a bunch of people into a house for like two weeks. They get drunk. They hook up with each other. They fight and they air it across like 10 episodes. It's incredible.
I just told you, one's summer, one's winter. That's it. One time they go in the pool, one time they go in hot tub and it's cold outside.
They're both excellent. I recommend summer house and winter house. Number two, love is blind. People may have heard of love is blind. Wow, that didn't make your top five.
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